It sounds like some erotica novel I can write. But I can’t anymore. It will give me memories. It’s a term that “Heart” made up 7 days ago as he was breaking up with me.
“Don’t think I forgot about our Denver Days, Shahz”. He’s referring to exactly this time last year when fate brought us together as I had just moved to Colorado and he got a job there and we talked daily for 6 weeks.
Sadly, that won’t happen this winter break. He won’t text me everyday with a new philosophical conversation topic. I won’t see him working as I shop around the mall. He won’t talk to me until I fall asleep. I’m going to be so lonely and cold.
Why couldn’t he break up with me after break? I don’t know.
Anyways, finals are officially over. They started last Monday and every single day was stressful. Of course, the news that “Heart” gave me made it even more stressful. My friends were too busy to comfort me.
By Friday, I felt beat up and defeated. I walked into Photography class for my final exam and presentation. Mr. Photography dude came over immediately.
“Which guy is it?!?”
God how does he know these things.
“It’s the player isn’t it?”
I try not to cry, “no” I whisper.
“Shit. Is it…qalb (heart)?
Mr. Photography dude is also Arab and knows my story oh so well by now.
I nod sadly. I tell him the details.
“I don’t believe it” he says.
“Wallah” (I swear) I say sadly.
He shakes his head and places his hand on my back, “Asif, habibti” (Sorry, my dear).
“I feel miserable. My room doesn’t smell like passion and happiness anymore!” I say.
Mr. Photography dude smirks, “What does it smell like now?”
And now I have him laughing so loudly we get a lot of stares. I try not to laugh and smile.
“How the hell does wrong doings have a smell, princess?” he wants to know.
When I don’t answer, he says “I don’t think you did anything wrong…”
He’s right. I sure didn’t. Heart is the best thing that ever happened to me.
I make the mistake of saying that last line out loud. I cover my mouth and Mr. Photography dude gasps.
“He’s the one that’s making you believe loving him is wrong, isn’t he?”
I nod my head.
“Let me tell you something sad beauty, it’s him that’s wrong. Loving is a strength, not weakness. You are so freakin’ strong for loving a man that has a lot of hard life circumstances and doesn’t know what he wants.”
I smile, but he doesn’t stop there.
“I’ll tell you what your room smells like sad beauty, it smells like inequality. The worlds you and I come from are so similar yet a little different from the one Heart comes from. He’s using that difference against you. And that’s not right.”
“He has no choice” I say.
“Yea but why does he keep leading you on? Why does he keep hurting you? He loves you? He should at least treat you right! His problems are not your problems. Take this as a blessing, go and be happy. You no longer have to worry about caring for him anymore.”
“But I like caring for him!!! I don’t want to be lonely” I say.
“You won’t be lonely. Take this time in Denver to spend time with your family and forget him” he says.
“Well fuck, that’s the same thing Heart said” I roll my eyes at him.
“So do it” he says.
Sigh. “Denver Days” sure as hell won’t be the same.