Anxiety is hard…thank you to the people who understand

Before I talk about how yesterday got better thanks to “Heart”, I would like to say something. Because of my wisdom teeth surgery, I’m off my ADHD treatment until I recover. Which really stinks. And also explains the reason why I was extremely anxious yesterday.

Saturday, the day of my move in- my teeth were hurting extremely bad. And suddenly things got hectic on the car ride there, my brother started screaming. And then I started screaming. And then suddenly my head started killing and I thought I was gonna black out. And so I started crying loudly and yelled “Oh my god! Just stop! My teeth and head hurt! MOM!!” To which my brother yelled even more and my mom (thank goodness for her), slammed the brakes and yelled at my brother, “What the hell is your problem? Don’t ever yell at her like that! Your sister is in psychiatric treatment! Don’t you get that?” And she rushed over to place an arm on me and said, “Calm down honey. It’s gonna be okay.” And then my brother felt ashamed and said, “Oh…I forgot…Shahz I am so sorry. Please. Forgive me.”

That day I realized something. I do have anxiety. And, I love my mom. This whole summer she and I have been fighting, I don’t know why- but that moment of how she practically saved my life, makes me pray that I will never lose her.

anxietyAnd so yesterday, you may have read in Healing….in teeth and love that I was not having such a fun day. I started getting anxious about my classes, how I’m going to go to class when I’m still trying to recover from surgery, the cost of my textbooks, my new class that I have to teach, what “Heart” said about me, and then lastly- “Prince Player” not paying enough attention to me. When I got home from training and that last thing happened, I just finally broke. And I thought of my mom and how much I miss her. And I couldn’t stop crying.

It was at that moment “Heart” texted asking if he can come see me. You better believe I said yes. People ask me why I love the bastard? Literally, when I am at my absolute worst- he is always there somehow. So half an hour later, I was in his arms and he made me forget about everything. So yea, he and I have our ups and downs. He may be an asshole. But he was there for me just like my mom was. I told him about my little anxiety attack and his wisdom calmed me down. “Heart” gets it. So does my best friend Sam. So does my mom.

Thank you to those of you who understand 🙂

xoxo. S.

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