On Bees and Efs (Where did my friends go?)

The more “Heart” refuses to talk to me, the more I participate in writing daily posts (even though I’m a little belated on each topic!)

Daily Post: Do you — or did you ever — have a Best Friend? Do you believe in the idea of one person whose friendship matters the most? Tell us a story about your BFF (or lack thereof).

6f658b1f68ad46f294c77de808e1d081The last month of school, one of my best friends asked me why I am just so attached to my family. I didn’t know how to answer her question, but after telling her about how many times we’ve moved and the different people that have come across my life- she figured it out and put in words I never imagined. “I get it. Every one that has ever gotten close to you and became your friend…left.” She was totally right, and I’m boggled that I never thought about that. I have never had one best friend, they were always temporary as they disapeared whenever one of our lives changed. Here’s a few:

Catalina: She was my first ever best friend. In Miami, I was her neighbor and we were always in the same classes together. We did our homework together every other day and slept over at each other’s houses all the time. She was probably my longest best friend- we lasted 7 years! You could imagine us both crying when I told her I was moving to Chicago. After I moved, we talked on the phone for about two months. And then- nothing. 5 years later I got on Facebook and re-connected with her. She and I were so happy that we got to reunite. We caught up on each others lives and talked. But again, 2 months later- nothing. So here I am, we’re 20 now and it’s been 10 years since we last saw each other. I see her face on my news feed every other day, and what do you know- she is now a model and actress. And I miss her.

Annie, Maddie, Kelly, and Mary: After I moved to Chicago, I was so bummed. Middle school. I had no friends, was in the middle of puberty, and living in a very cold place. And then I met Mary. Mary was so outgoing, the moment after we worked on a project together she introduced me to Kelly and Maddie. Little did she know, Kelly and I already new each other. We were neighbors and she asked if she could sit next to me on the bus the first day of school. Kelly, Mary, and Maddie had been friends since the 1st grade- but they all welcomed me into their lives. We had constant spa parties, movie nights, and outings at fancy restaurants. It was like “Sex and the City” middle school style.

In between this, I met a girl named Annie. I loved Kelly, Mary, and Maddie but they didn’t get my lifestyle. We were all very privileged and came from well known families, I started feeling spoiled. Annie had foreign parents and was an immigrant like myself, she was extremely humble. It was nice to talk to her about all of the pressures and complications of coming from a background like ours.

I loved all my girlfriends. But by 8th grade, everything changed. Maddie and Kelly were always better friends and they didn’t include me and Mary. Kelly ended up moving, I no longer had a bus buddy. We would talk on the phone- but that stopped. Finally, a year later- I saw her at a party and she acted like she didn’t know me. Maddie started hanging out with other girls since Kelly moved, and those other girls never liked me. So Maddie stopped liking me as well and started spreading rumors about me. Annie started believing these rumors, and began cyber bullying me. It was a nightmare. In that awful year, Mary stood by me, she refused to believe anything bad about me. But then, high school came. She made new friends, cut her hair so short, and you guessed it- stopped talking to me.

Evan, Steven, Ben, and Eitan: Yup. After all those girls did what they did, I decided that I can no longer have girlfriends. It’s not like I planned it or anything, but I met Evan in my first period English class. We always got in the most heated arguments and our teacher told us that Evan really likes me and can’t man up to say so. I loved that class ❤ I didn’t have the same feelings for Evan, but I liked how I could talk to him about things without drama. Through Evan, I met Steven and Ben. Steven would always and STILL comfort me through chat messages. Evan and Ben are always sleeping when I have my drama going on, but Steven was always there to offer the best advice and calm me down. Ben was great because he always knows how to make us laugh and calm Evan down (he can be so darn bitter at times!) We also went on many outings together and had fun moments of singing pop songs that Evan hates as he drove us places.

Although we all got even closer by senior year, it sucked that I was the only one not knowing where I was going to college in the Fall. I was so stressed and then I met Eitan. Eitan was a Sophomore and he really lightened me up. He watched as I finally got into the school I wanted to go to and celebrated with me.

As college began, I began to go out with Evan a lot (AS FRIENDS) since we went to school in the same city. He would constantly text me to make sure I was okay whenever “Prince Player” came over and checked up on me when my family was moving to Colorado. Although I was always able to talk to him about things, I hated the way he would constantly judge me. He was starting to really annoy me as he kept asking why I do some of the things I do and why I believe some of the things I believe.

I don’t talk to him anymore. He tried talking to me a few weeks ago, but I gave him one word answers. I just don’t enjoy his presence the way I used to.

Same thing with Eitan, I don’t really enjoy his presence anymore either.

I lost touch with Ben sadly.

Steven is just….perfect. After all these years, whenever I chat him up, he is still there for me and listens. Even if I talk crap about Evan- he is there for me. And he makes me laugh until my stomach hurts 🙂 He loves me just the way I am. And I love him right back and hope he never leaves ❤

College/”Prince Player”: College is not a person, it is the place where I currently am. Which is why I can’t really talk about my current best friends as I don’t know where our friendship(s) are headed. I’ve got my girlfriends (yes I believe in having girls as friends again), my guy friends, my students, and my colleagues. Even though I can’t talk about any one of these, there has been one in my journey so far that stands out.

“Prince Player”. Please type him in my search box and read about our wonderful history. For some reason, I had a gut feeling he and I would be more than friends the moment I met him… He declared me as his best friend in a month of knowing me and I couldn’t help but do the same. He thought I was pretty, smart, and funny. I thought the same of him, and like Steven, he made me laugh until my stomach hurt. Throughout our dialogues, I liked how I could talk to him about things and the way he didn’t judge me the way Evan and other friends of mine did. I didn’t mind as we became more than “best friends”, but I just knew after that moment together that we are probably not going to get our friendship back.

After one month of being best friends, and a few more months of being more than friends, he like everyone else…left. But unlike everyone else, he left at the time I needed a best friend the most. It was so cold and out of the blue.

It took some time, but I got inspiredover it and started Sophomore year fresh. I started dating a nice guy and I felt good again. But I could sense “Prince Player” was not, and I wanted to be there for him. Sure he left me, but there was a time before that when he was there for me. As my boyfriend and I began a series of fallouts- he was there for me just like old times. But unlike old times, he always texted me when I was at my worst even though he didn’t know it. He started becoming the friend I hoped he would be. His non-judgemental view of me continued, and I couldn’t help but accept him back into my life again. No, he may not consider me his best friend anymore. But he is my friend.

I say this last part right here to end my sad post on a happy note showing that it is always possible to get a friend back. My mom always said, “you get what you give”. Don’t hold grudges, if someone was once a good friend to you- let them know how much they meant to you 🙂

xoxo. S.

Inspired by: http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/on-bees-and-efs/

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