The day has unfortunately come. “Heart” has been so distant from me for the past three weeks, I have been dieing waiting for him. I figured that if he kept going on this path- I would talk to him.
But I didn’t have to. Last night, I was out with one of our mutual friends until 2am. We threw our friend a surprise party and had a great time. I sent “Heart” a few photos to remind him that I still exist and that I am fine without him.
I had to be up at 6:00 today to help run this service day my school was hosting. So after I went to bed at 3, I get a text at 5. I am half asleep and I wonder to myself who could possibly be texting me at that hour.
It was “Heart” and it said: “Hey are you awake?” Thinking he was in trouble, I responded yes and asked him if everything was okay.
He didn’t answer the question and just proceeded to ask me if I will come over to his house. I informed him that it is 5 in the morning and I have an event at 7. He then proceeded to say he wants to take our relationship intimacy to the next level. I said no because he never sees me. Next thing you know, he says he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. He told me to stop waiting for him and to have a nice life. I called him out on it- “I don’t get it. One minute you miss me and want me in your arms and the next moment you want to leave me for good” I said. And to that, he replied saying that he is just very very very confused and doesn’t think there is a future for us.
That is nothing new. He always believed that and refused to give our love a chance.
And then he said the words that broke my heart- “Just forget me. Please. That’s it. I won’t come back Shahz. I don’t want to. Goodbye Shahz.”
So there I was. This should have been a very happy morning, my first time leading a service group. But instead I was laying in bed at 6 in the morning crying my eyes out. I cried so hard as I put on my leggings and shoes, I was not in the mood to go out to a neighborhood and mulch.
Somehow though, I did. And I had a good time. But after we finished and headed back to school, I did not stay for the after activities. I went home. I went to sleep immediately and dreamed about him and all the things we can’t have.
I was right to make the Song of the Week: “Slow Me Down” by Sara Evans. I knew something really wasn’t right. And I know he will miss everything we had.
But I just don’t care anymore. It seems I never meant much to him anyway. I guess you can say, I’m letting go.
****A note to the reader: As always I welcome your sweet comments and encouragement. But please, for the next few weeks, don’t write comments like “Heart has chosen not to be in your life. Move on. You will find someone else better one day.” I already know that and feel like crap.