Happy Friday readers!
I feel like I’m getting worse at blogging by the day. I guess a lot has been going on lately. I don’t know if I have mentioned it before, but I’m a big fighter. My great grandfather was a boxer, my dad was a boxer, and…I’m a boxer. My dad got me into it when I was a teen and I quit for the longest time. This year I got back into it.
Boxing is a risk because I know I can get hurt and never box again.
Loving “Heart” is a risk because I know I can get hurt and it will be hard to love again.
Things have been great since “Heart” came back. I am whole again. When “Heart” saw our picture still sitting on my wall, he was amused. Of course I still kept the picture up…I never lost faith in us. I knew he would come back, because my heart couldn’t let him leave me. And of course…he is my heart.
And I’m scared. Because we both know this love story won’t end in the place we want it to. I remember staring at him the day he came back to me. He finally looked into my eyes and said “What is it? What? Shaz. Come on. Be honest with me.” And I looked back into his eyes and said “I’m scared…every time you walk out my door I don’t know if you’re coming back. I can’t keep doing this thing where you are with me and then you leave me because you love me too much.” I noticed he looked deeply into my eyes, “That’s why I’m back. To see if we can try again. This is a huge risk we’re taking”.
I don’t know. It seems like everyone is against us. Just like a handful of people are against me boxing. But both “Heart” and boxing gives me this thrill that I can’t explain.
I’m complete again, but it doesn’t feel right. This whole “taking risks” thing scares me.