Dear qalb (that is “heart” in Arabic for my readers 😉 ),
The more you push me away from you, the more I want to pull you back to me. I know you saw me yesterday. I walked by you three times for heaven’s sake. Is this how it’s always going to be?
Whatever. Anyways, I dyed my hair red over break. I know you love my luscious black hair, and that’s exactly why I did it- I wanted change. You would have noticed it if you looked at me.
Denver wasn’t too bad without you. I went to that mall you worked at, all of the shopping I did took my mind off of you. But I couldn’t help but look at that space next to the Banana Republic and remember how we hung out in my new home state.
Every day of spring break, my dad continued having the ongoing debate with me about how I should move to Colorado. Sometimes, I consider it dear qalb. Because you know something? I lost just about everything I had here: My family, my house, my health, you, and now…my major.
That’s why what you said still hurts: “Moving because some guy dumped you is just plain dumb”. I hope you understand now that it has nothing to do with you. You know, it shocked me that you said that. Because when we first met, I told you about how sad I was that my family moved and you said- “Hey if it gets too bad, you can always transfer. Home is where family is.”
That’s what I liked about you, you were on my side. But now, you’re just like everyone else. How did you turn into a hypocrite so fast, qalb? It’s as if you want to push me away.
Stop the pushing. I know we’re done but we can build boundaries. You are one of the best things that has happened to me this year and I don’t want you to leave my life.
xoxo. No longer your soul or eyes (sadly 😦 )