I’m outta love…and a text from him

I hope to God that when I’m in my 40s I can still move like this woman. We’re talking about Anastacia who grew up with Crohn’s disease and fought breast cancer. I have always admired her as a performer. Even after 14 years of this song being released, she still looks AMAZING (watch the video!).

This song came out when I was 7 years old. I remember I would walk around singing “I’m outta love, set me free!”. My dad would ask, “Shaz, do you even know what that means?” But I would just continue singing, “Said how many times, have I tried to turn this love around? But you just let me down. Come on be a man about it!” And now my dad would raise his eye-brows “Believe me honey you don’t want to ever be in that situation.”

Oh well…now I know what my dad was talking about. That song has finally started hitting me. After I have forgotten about it for so long, it played right after “Prince Player” broke my heart for the last time. Remember Why I Want to Forgive Him? And how I turned down “Heart’s” date? Right.

It was like the song was cursing me and telling me to move on and start seeing “Heart”. So when I was ready, I did. But, he too left. And so yesterday, after I released Song of the Week: “Magic” by Coldplay “Heart” had texted.

I was shocked. I’m the one that usually texts him first after a break-up, I’m glad he took the initiative this time because I can’t even form words to talk to him. He asked “Are you doing okay?” Like hell I wasn’t! I can’t believe he actually cared enough to check I was sane. So to be polite, I replied with a one word answer- “Yea.” Luckily, he is smart, and wanted to know “You sure?”. No, I am miserable. But again to be polite, I responded, “Yes.” And then he responded, “Okay. Just checking up on you.” I said “Thanks”. Because that’s nice dear, it shows me that you actually give a shit you hurt my feelings.

Anyways, oddly enough- my iPod skipped to this song. And so, the lyrics that applied so much to both “Heart” and “Prince Player” blared.

Come on be a man about it
You won’t die
I ain’t got no more tears to cry
And I can’t take this no more
You know I gotta let it go
And you know

I’m outta love
Set me free
And let me out this misery
Just show me the way to get my life again
‘Cause you can’t handle me

That’s what I really wanted to tell “Heart”. I’m going to Denver after finals and it’s gonna suck going to bars and seeing mountains because the last time I was there for more than a weekend, “Heart” was there and he made it feel like home. Going there reminds me of him, and us.

But I have no more love for him. I’m done letting him toy with my feelings. I’d ask him to show me how to get my life again, but that’s my job. He sure as hell can’t handle me.

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