I expected it to happen, but not this fast 😦 Our two month was supposed to be in a few days for goodness sake!
It’s sad that all of this happened when “Real” was published. After not seeing “Heart” for two weeks, he finally came over today. We had a great time, but occasionally we would talk about how sad it was that we can only see each other this little when we love each other so much. And then finally, as he was kissing me, he just stopped. I saw him turn his face away, holding his head in his hands.
“Nothing…just everything you said.” he responded. I nodded my head and I held him in my arms. He buried his face into my chest, and after holding him like that for a while- he said the words I wished he wouldn’t say for a long time.
“We can’t do this no more.”
I let go of him, and swallowed the huge gulp in my throat. “What?” I said, in shock.
“You’re right. I can’t be with you as often as I like. You deserve so much better. I thought about you every fucking day when I was in Denver and about the day we can finally spend time together when we get back. But we can’t do this. We can’t keep lying to our families, we weren’t supposed to fall this deep in love with each other.”
I tried to reason with him. “But. We still find time for each other somehow, we’ve been in many relationships before where our families didn’t approve.”
I could sense him getting more emotional. “It’s different now Shahz. I work two jobs. My mother is sick. And I hate lying to her like this about where I am and what I’m doing. I cried about you the other day. About how much I care about you, and can’t be with you.”
I gasp for air. It was all too much for me.
All I could do was nod my head. I handed my phone over to him, and let him read “Real”. The poem that was 100% about him. I could see him tearing up again, but he changed the subject. It was time to go.
He made a few jokes to try and cheer me up on our way out. We bumped into one of my friends and he told her, “Take her out to dinner tonight, will ya?” Haha, I will miss the way he cares so much about me. My friend took the hint that we just broke up and said she will. We gave each other one last kiss, and I let him go 😦
I can’t say I’m surprised. Family is a big deal in our culture. His family is way more important than me. I can’t imagine what I would do if my mom was sick 😦 I admire his strength and courage to keep moving forward.
And, I know I will always have a place in his heart.
But still, he was one of the best lovers I have ever had ❤ The poem says it all. This one will be a hard one to get over 😦