Holy crap reader,
(oh may I politely add, that I have cancelled the debut of my poem “Real” for today and am replacing it with this rant. Thanks.)
After hating on my guy friends these past few months, I finally resorted to 6 of them last night.
Remember in September, I was super depressed when my family moved, and I said I’m ditching all of them because they’re all insensitive men who basically told me to “suck it up” lol? Well. Last night, as you may have read, going out with my girlfriends just irritated me.
Yesterday I woke up with tears in my eyes. I had very minimal sleep, and I was missing my family in Colorado more than ever. I was also longing to be with Heart, who is working all the time. I had two essays to write and could not focus all day. I just wanted to fly out this weekend, but of course I’m busy and tickets are expensive. I could not stop crying and feeling so lonely. A wise girlfriend suggested I call my friends from back home. Well, all my friends growing up were guys.
So…I had to talk to the men in my life. And this is how it all went down.
1) My father- Well hell. I wouldn’t call him a friend, but we tend to have the same issues. ADHD, insomnia, and many others. Last night I talked to him about my issues in sleeping. He suggested I meditate- I did a sleep meditation for two hours and I was still wide awake thinking about 1,000 things. He says that it will take time for it to work and I must relax in the meantime. I agreed.
2) Eitan- I talked to Eitan about “Heart”. He told me I should text Heart and tell him how I feel. I informed him that I already contacted him in various other forms and he never responded. I also added that I must be respectful of his job and devotion to his family. Eitan agreed and told me to keep waiting.
3) Evan- I talked to him about missing my old hometown and he told me that I will get through it. And that whenever I need him, he’s here. Out of all the guys, he’s the only one that said that.
4) Steven- I talked to Steven about everything haha. He told me not to worry about Heart, that he’s probably just incredibly busy working. He told me to stay in Chicago, as I have many important opportunities here and things will get better. I agreed.
5) “Prince Player”- Holy crap. He was the last person who I thought would help me, but I couldn’t help but reach out to him. He and I have similar problems. I talked to him about missing my family and having difficulty focusing. I talked to him about potentially getting back on my meds, he said if I feel the same way I do without it- I might as well take advantage of the productivity that will come with it. He’s right on that, but, it’s hard to imagine risking my health again. And guess what reader, he read what I wrote about him last week! AND HE APOLOGIZED. For the first time yesterday, I laughed. Like genuinely laughed. And that, reminded me of all the things I used to like about him. I don’t know what it is, but somehow him saying that made my day somewhat better.
6) My mentor- I talked to him about potentially leaving Chicago to be closer to my family. He said that my college needs me, and that I am a strong woman who can do anything. He told me I have the drive, determination, and intelligence. He was right about all of that. I agreed.
And lastly I talked to God, I asked him to first take away all these tears. Then I asked him to forgive me for the crazy things I do and to guide me in the right direction because I have no clue where I am headed. Finally, I thanked him for everything he has done for me so far.
So last night, proved many things to me. Anyone can be your friend when you need someone the most ❤ And most importantly, my guy friends never left me…they were always there ❤
Here’s to hoping things will get better!
P.S- If you are on Poem Withdrawal Syndrome, I suggest you check out “Love to Love You” which recently made Top 10! And don’t you worry, “Real” will be published soon 😉