Gosh, what a week.
Wednesday night, I went to this dinner party and met a new guy. He’s really smart, cute, and funny. Saturday night, he asked me out to dinner. I said no. Why? Read on…
I was with “Prince Player” the night before. We decided to try to get back what we used to have. He came over and we had a long conversation. It was nice of him to finally look at me and ask “How are you really doing?” Even though I said “fine”.
As we became more intimate, nothing felt right. And I mean NOTHING. The way he kissed me, the way his hands were on me, I wanted to throw up. He kept asking me what was wrong and I kept saying “nothing”. Until…he finally stopped. And then he looked at me and said “We need to stop. This doesn’t feel right.” You’re telling me sweetheart. You can say that again!
We talked some more. There is a new person in his life as well, unlike for me…he actually has feelings for her. As always, I became upset that he keeps having feelings for all these girls and only has “physical” feelings for me.
But I decided I want to try to forgive him. I couldn’t believe it, after all the tears and pain he caused me…I still comforted him as he told me his concerns.
Why? I was in his exact spot last year, I know more than anyone what he’s going through. And, I already have so much to be upset about right now.
1) My grade in Biology.
2) The big move to Denver
3) Losing the beautiful home I grew up in for the past decade.
4) My health.
I decided my big heart has no more room to be upset at him, it will just make me hate myself even more. So I listened to him, comforted him, and gave him all the advice I could.
I felt so disgusted after he left. I knew he didn’t have the same feelings I had for him, how could I let myself make the same mistake with him again?
So Saturday night, when my new man called- I said no to his date because I was terrified. Prince Player is the third guy who hurt me like this, I’m tired of finding myself in this silly knot over and over again. I’m tired of these guys that mean so much to me just turning away 😦