Moving blues, men blues, and all other blues…

sometimes 1Well reader,

As I try to stay positive and think of this quote when I wake up every morning, reality still hits.

I’ve started telling more people about Colorado. I even told “Prince Player”! Imagine my shock when I didn’t get any calls from “Sugar” this week…but I got a late night message from Prince Player. Yea.

I didn’t see a point in telling him, but unlike him- whenever I have something big and important like that going on in my life, I want him to hear it from me than from someone else.

I guess it’s good that I told him. Like “C” and some other people, he said he will be here for me. But then again, he said that last year and left me at the time I needed him the most.

He said he liked the note I wrote him last week 🙂 The one where I said “Hopefully we can be better friends this year”. Haha I guess he did take the hint. Because he asked if I was going home this weekend, and that if I wasn’t…we should hang out. But, of course I do want to get home this weekend to enjoy it while I can before someone else comes in, buys it, and takes it away from me 😦

So guess what he said?? That he will “make time for us” during the week! He then claimed to say that he was a “man” and not a boy anymore… I explained to him that he is still a boy. I will believe both of his statements when I see it lol.

We ended the convo very awkwardly when I said that I’m sad things aren’t the way it used to be. At this time last year we were each others best friends and we understood each other. Today, I know for sure that I’m not his best friend and he confuses the heck out of me. He said that we should go back to our friendship stage, and put the other stuff behind us. Uh huh okay, easier said than done. That was my cue to go to sleep.

And then, I bumped into him the very next morning. Why does that always happen reader? Every time I have a deep late night conversation with him, I run into him the next day. I faked a smile and said “hi”. And then he said “hi”. We had a rather fun and short conversation…I swear he can read my mind these days, he randomly looked at me and said “Every time we talk you give me this fake smile and it makes me so sad”. Lol what was I supposed to say to that???

I honestly don’t know how else you would walk around people that just played with your heart. Does he not understand that:

a) I’m humiliated that I showed my “other side” to him

b) I’m hurt that he chose other girls over me- especially ones that were my friends

c) I’m upset that he left me at a time I needed him the most

d) I’m upset with myself that I still respect him despite what he has put me through

e) I’m sad that he won’t remember the things that I won’t forget

For goodness sake, at least I gave him some kind of smile…and that was hard enough!

Anyways, enough about him. The rest of this week was just so busy. I was already exhausted by Monday! I was so tired and overwhelmed with everything that I totally forgot about a meeting with my professor. She took off 10 points off of my grade for missing it…

God, I really need to get it together.

xoxo. S.

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