Back

I couldn’t believe it. I must have read that wrong.

“We can hangout if you want…we should”.

It’s HIM.

There I was, two weeks ago. Exactly a month after our break-up. After zero responses to my texts or letters, I started moving on with my life.

So when I was at the mall, enjoying my single life, my eyes nearly pop out of my head when I see his name on my phone screen. I open his text. It’s a picture of our favorite restaurant, where I live. I wonder what he is doing here as he lives in another city. I take no prisoners.

“Lol what are you doing here?” I ask.

“Haha. My sister, her husband, and my niece wanted to come here”  he writes back.

Well isn’t that just lovely. That’s where I wanted to go to dinner when I was done shopping! Ugh. I don’t care anymore. He hurt me. So again, taking no prisoners, I write back- “Nice. Have fun”.

He responds “Will do”.

And I think that’s that and  I am happy. I am happy I didn’t lose control and beg for his attention as I did in the last month of our relationship.

And then. Two hours later. As I am trying on shoes, I get the lovely text.

“We can hangout if you want…we should”.

My jaw drops. I’m shook. This is the person that said he wasn’t coming back and I should see other people.

“Why? You hate me. You made it pretty clear how you felt about me when you left me” I respond.

“I never said I hated you!” he writes.

“You never responded to my letters” I say.

“I’m sorry Shaz. I just didn’t think it was appropriate at the time” he writes.

“Oh so what? Is now convenient for you?” I ask.

“No. Of course not” he responds.

“What is it sugar? You couldn’t find someone else?” I ask.

“Shaz” he writes.

“What?” I tell him about the past month. Where I cried and prayed just wishing he could come back. And to make the pain go away.

“I’m sorry Shaz. It was never my intention to hurt you. If you don’t want to hang out, that’s fine” he says.

Oh NO. I do not let him take that. “Wanna get a drink?” I ask. He agrees.

I tell him I will be home in a few hours, and he says he will be free then too and will come pick me up.

When the clock strikes midnight, he is outside waiting for me.

“Hey Sweetheart” he says. Ohhh he is so beautiful. I could just-

WAIT. HE BROKE MY HEART!

“Excuse me? I am no longer your sweetheart!” I say.

He looks taken back. “Okay Shaz” he says laughing.

“UM. NO. You can’t call me that either” I say.

He laughs. “What am I supposed to call you?”

I cross my arms. “You’re gonna call me what the rest of the world calls me”.

He gasps. “Wait, you want me to call you by your full name?” he asks.

I smile and nod. “Fine” he says.

When we get to the bar the bouncer takes our ID. “You remember when my birthday is?” I ask him.

He thinks for a minute. “OMG it’s coming soon!!!” I say.

We laugh and we go sit in our usual place in the bar.

“What’s up?” he asks.

“Nothing” I say sipping my margharita.

“You’re not saying anything” he says.

“You never listened to a word I said so why should I” I say.

He smiles, “that’s true”.

I shrug.

More silence. And then the margarita hits me.

“So why are you really here?” I ask.

“I just wanted to say hi!” he says.

“WELL HELLO!” I say. I stir my drink. “You couldn’t have texted me that?”

He laughs. “I just…I missed you!”

I smile. “Which part was it? Was it the sassiness, the cheekiness, the boldness, my curves-”

He interrupts me. “It was all of it” he says.

I’ll be damned. But ooo how he hurt me.

I stare at him.

“I also wanted to see you because…”

“Because?” I ask.

“Because I wanted to apologize. I never stopped thinking of you” he says.

Oh my Jesus. WHERE WAS ALL OF THIS WHEN I WAS DOWN.

“You can’t just waltz back into my life and take me back. You were the one that slammed MY door and left me!” I said.

“We had a lot of problems Shaz…” he says.

“Yea well. They’re not going anywhere. Unless we start talking” I say.

I discuss one thing that bothered me.

About him and my friends telling me to pursue another career at my housewarming party.

“I’m sorry I said that. It’s just I could never do what you do. I actually think what you do is very cool”.

Wow. So all this time it was a misunderstand. I thought he was mocking my choice of being an Infectious Disease Specialist/Counselor for patients living with infectious disease. But he wasn’t. It was admiration this entire time.

“I’m still kind of upset with you that you didn’t respond to my letters. You said I could still write you” I said.

“Those letters were very hard to read…” he says.

“Why?” I ask.

“Because they were written so well” he says.

Oh holy moly. I don’t know if it’s the margarita or the new truths being revealed, but all the feelings start coming back.

“You wanna hang out at my place?” I blurt out. “Yea we can do that” he says.

When we walk out he tries to hold me. “Don’t touch me!” I say. He pulls back.

So he comes back into my beautiful home that he helped me put together.

“It looks festive” he says looking around. Last time he was here was in October and now it’s almost Christmas and I have my Christmas decor up.

“It doesn’t smell here like it used to!” he says. My apartment used to have a horrible gas leak smell. And maintenance could never fix :0

“Yea. I put in a wallflower” I say laughing.

I climb into my bed. He walks into my bedroom and stands in the corner, hands in his pockets staring at me.

He smiles and looks down. Because we both feel the discomfort. We have know each other for 10 years, and romantically for 6 months. And we had a seperation.

But he knows. That with me is where his heart lies. Because he walks over to his side of the bed and lays down.

“Don’t touch me!” I say.

He laughs and pulls the covers up.

Little by little. I inch closer to him. And then his lips touches mine. And everything is fine again. There are no other lips for me.

I reach over to turn off the lights to go to sleep.

“Hey Shaz?” he says.

I pull away from the light and look at him. “Hm?”

“I really am sorry” he says quietly.

My eyes well up.

I kiss him.

I hope the timing is right now.

xoxo. S.

 

 

Endometriosis, and other pains

Ok breathe. It is not my period and I feel like my insides are twisting inside of me in Target. I feel like someone punched me in my stomach and I am about to faint.

I quickly grab my groceries and drive back home. I get in my bed and put my heating pad on. I curse the CBD oil my mom got for me because it’s not working. I curse that “he” isn’t here.

I decide it’s time to see a specialist. It was scary enough to have my last period for three weeks, but now this and the mood swings? Something’s gotta give.

I put on my gown once at the doctor’s office. The doctor tells me my scan was normal, but how I felt during my pelvic exam is concerning. She asks me some questions.

“Pain with intercourse?”

I nod.

“Stomach/back aches when it is not your period?”

I nod.

I tell her more like my crazy mood swings and my irregular periods.

I tell her about how before I got on the pill I had periods that made me vomit and miss two days of school each month. And how I still get aches that bad on my period and while it doesn’t cause vomiting anymore, it still hurts and ibuprofen doesn’t help.

“It is most likely endometriosis” she says. 

Endo. Mee. Tree. O. Sis.

Oh my lord.

“With endometriosis, we usually perform a larascopy, it is a small surgery that can confirm  you have endometriosis and also allow us to take it all out. But that is really a last resort. We try to treat it medically first with other hormonal methods. You’re on the pill now, have you considered the IUD or Depo shot?”

Ugh god no. I don’t want either.

I tell her.

“You can continue to take your birth control pills. But we will need to skip the placebo, thus skipping your periods all together”.

My jaw drops. “Isn’t that messing with nature?”

The doctor laughs. “We are already messing with nature while you’re taking those pills”

I think about it for a bit.

“So what do you think?” the doctor asks.

I tell her I will continue my pills and skip my periods.

“I think that is a good option for now. See how that works and if things don’t get better, let’s do the larascopy”.

I sigh and drive home. It’s almost the weekend of my mom’s graduation, and I don’t want to tell my family. I don’t want to ruin anything.

I tell my best friend.

“Jesus Shaz, were your periods that painful??” Rida asks.

“I mean yea. Periods and non-periods are all painful for me” I say.

A week later is when “he” broke up with me. The next day is my mom’s graduation. For the 100th time my mom pulls me aside and tells about how much weight I’ve put on. I can’t believe she would do this after I spent months planning her graduation festivities, worked overtime to be able there for her event, and flew all that way to be there.

I can’t do it anymore.

“What do you want me to do? I’M SICK!” I say crying and running out of the restaurant.  

I get in the car where my dad and brother have already settled in while mom and I were paying the bill.

My mom gets in the car. “Shaz is upset because I told her she put on some weight. And now she is telling me she is sick. I knew she was sick! Why would she not tell us?”

“Give it a rest ” my dad tells her.

“So I guess we will be sharing a room huh?” my brother says laughing (we got two rooms- originally mom and I were going to share a room, and then dad and my bother were sharing the other”.

I say nothing. When we reach the hotel, I can’t stop crying. I go to see my dad because seeing my dad is always comforting. My mom is with him. I make no eye contact with her. I cry and I cry and I cry. My dad lets me cry.

“What is it Shaz?” he asks rubbing my shoulder.

“She is SICK. And she didn’t tell us! God if I was sick, I would share that” my mom says. I cry more. God she has no idea all the shit I’m going through. Being in pain for 2 months, going to work with that pain, getting dumped by the love of my life the night before, and spending months prepping for her graduation.

“I told you to stop” my dad tells my mom. My dad doesn’t ask anything about me being sick. “Shaz, would you like to sleep her tonight?” he asks.

I shake my head. I continue crying because I hate I have to keep this a secret from him. If it wasn’t my mom’s graduation, I would have told him right then and there. I curse myself for being a kind person. 

“Are you sure?” he asks.

I nod. “Ok. Well I will call you at 7 tomorrow and we will go for breakfast” he says

I go back to my brother and I’s room. He doesn’t say anything about me being sick either and actually makes me laugh all night. He says we don’t do this often and we should watch reality TV all night. I laugh and I say we need to go to bed as we have a long day the next day. We go to sleep and the next day is wonderful. Everything goes as planned. I come back to Chicago after the festivities, I tell my mom over the phone of my diagnosis.

“Really? You should really look into how you will have kids with that condition. I know you want to be a mother”.

Jesus. Of all the issues.

I tell “Prince Player” of the rough patch I’m going through. Yea, we are friends now.

“Wow Shaz. I am so sorry to hear that. Especially with everything else that is happening”. he says. Yea :/

A few days later, I get a call from my dad.

“Mom said you have a condition. How could you have not told me this? It really hurt me to hear you have been hiding this from me. You and I don’t have that kind of relationship” he says.

God dammit. He’s not wrong. We are close.

“Dad. Come on. This isn’t the most exciting of news to share!” I say with tears in my throat.

“So? When you got a flat tire, you called me. When you got pulled over by a cop, you called me. When you lost your job, you called me. You think your health is less important than any of that? It is the MOST important thing!”

I cry more.

“But you were out of the country when I found out. And then I kept traveling for work. And then it was mom’s graduation and I didn’t want to ruin it-”

“Shaz. We talk every day. Whether I am out of the country or not. Whether you are traveling for work or not. If you had a husband, and your own family- sure. I’d respect your decision not to tell us. But you are living by yourself very far from us right now. Anything could happen to you, and it’s important for us to know if you have a chronic condition that causes you so much pain and nausea”.

He asks what I plan to do to treat this condition. I told him the options, and said I will likely go for a second opinion before I finalize my decision. He says that is a good idea and he and my mom are here for me, bad news or good news.

I am grateful for my parents.

When I told my boyfriend, now ex, when I was in deep pain and bleeding for three weeks- he told me he can’t see me and to go to a doctor. This is a condition that will influence us both and it hurt me.

“I told you to go see a doctor because there was nothing I can do!” he said towards our break-up when we were listing things gone wrong in our relationship.

But that’s not true. Towards the beginning of our relationship he would rub my stomach, ask me if I took meds, and give me space while I put my heating pad on when I got these aches.

Of course it isn’t my partner’s responsibility to be there for my physical healing, but it is…appreciated. And it hurt me how he forgot the way he used to care for me.

So. I’m glad I have my parents through this. I also have Rida and “Prince Player”. I also have a few of my co-workers who know and are incredibly supportive.

Today I experienced another stomach and back ache like the one before, and it sucks. I had just sat down over the weekend and texted all my friends whose messages I have missed over the past few weeks, I told them I haven’t been feeling well and I’m starting to. Well, I wish I didn’t say that because I am in a lot of pain now.

For all my readers reading this, that’s my excuse for not being here as well. I wasn’t feeling well šŸ˜¦ I’m still not feeling well yet, but, now that I am not in a relationship- I have more time to write šŸ™‚

xoxo. S.

 

Slowing Down (Breakups Hurt Part 2)

So it was hard continuing my life after “him”. Sure, there was a lot of things I din’t like about him as mentioned in my last post. But do we really ever meet a flawless person to be our life partner? No. And that is why I was sad after he left. My body and mind slowed down.

Walking in a few minutes later to work each day. Writing him a letter he could care less about every other day. Running on the treadmill longer. Read a 100 horoscopes, looking for an answer. I probably consumed more Mariano’s gelato than my body will allow.

And it just kept getting worse.

“You most likely have endometriosis” my doctor said.

“I have accepted a new position, and you will be getting my clinic & project” my coworker said (I already have my own projects and clinic I run).

“Chicago is experiencing an early Winter” the weatherman said as it snowed 5 inches on Halloween. I dimg_7498on’t have covered parking :/

“I’ve been thinking, I need to focus on school” the new guy I started seeing said after our amazing night together.

GASP.

STOP.

There’s just so much I can handle. By myself.

Sigh. I am being slow, and will allow myself to be slow until I can pick up the pace again.

xoxo. S.

Stop Apologizing, I Deserve Better (A Note From a Very Tired Woman)

I’m gonna need all of the friends who read this blog to stop texting me “sorry”. Especially if you are friends with him. Please & thank you.

I know you mean well.

But it’s not necessary. I saw this coming. That’s what I’m sad about. I saw this coming, and there was nothing I could do about it.

“I’m sorry Shaz. I just don’t think you’re happy with me. I drive you up the walls” the break up text said.

I bit my lip. He. Wasn’t. Wrong.

Our first argument happened maybe a month after dating. There were three arguments in that session.

# 1. Most of you know me so well at this point and know how much I give back to the community. How much volunteering & community outreach I do. He looked through my Facebook and said “It looks like you do a lot of community things”. It shocked me because that’s not something a date would normally say. So I said “Um yea. You don’t?” And he said, “Nope. I prefer for-profit work and things that help people make money” :0 :0 :0 I was floored.

#2. See, I recycle. My building doesn’t have recycling, but I still separate my regular garbage and recycling anyway in the hopes that they do and I just don’t know about it. When he saw it he said “one person recycling doesn’t make a difference”. He said the same thing about plastic straws.

That really bothered me. He prides himself on numbers.

Well let me give him some numbers. I one person, recycle everyday. That is 365 days a year. 365 DAYS OF RECYCLING. Multiply this by the number of others who does this, that makes a HUGE difference!!!!

# 3. My clinic has a needle exchange program. We dispose needles that injection drug users use and offer them new ones. It has proven to reduce the risk of HIV and is much more cost effective.

You know what he said to that. He was in disgust. I said “Ok. How do you feel about us offering condoms?” He says, “Condoms are great. You should continue offering them!”

I said “HELLO! These two things are preventing the SAME virus from being transmitted!” And he said “Yes but people have an inherent need to f***. They don’t have an inherent need to shoot up (drugs)”

That made me very upset. People go though lots of issues. A lot of the injection drug users I am trying to help have battled abuse, rape, and severe chronic pain. Not all of them want to get linked into physical/mental health care to look for an alternative. So until then, this is a great tool we can offer.

He makes comments like this when he has absolutely no background in these topics. I come home from a long day of work, and I need to listen to him (someone who currently does not have a job/have an education that matches mine) try to teach me something. Something that’s wrong.

Listen. Unemployed? I’ve been there. But I did not quit my job like he did. I got laid off. And for 6 months, I was applying to 10 jobs every single day. I applied to over 600 jobs. He did not do that.

Education? Yes. I am blessed. I am blessed I was able to find funding and have parents that supported me when I wanted to go back to school. But I would never use my skills to educate someone about a topic that I am not too familiar with. Ever.

When these things happened, I just told myself we are two different people and that is awesome because being different will help us grow. But hell. I am not growing. I am sinking. I am a smart girl, excuse me for wanting someone as ambitious and bright as me. 

At my housewarming party, he revealed a secret of mine to my friends. It was unintentional, but I was torn. And then when my friends asked me how my new job was going I said, “Well I am an Infectious Disease Specialist for a severe disease. Some days are good, some days are bad”.

He laughs and says “most days are bad” :0 :0 I’m sorry. But I did not enter this field to poop rainbows. I entered this field to help individuals facing serious challenges. And no, not every day is good as I help individuals battling a threatening virus- but I can always find some good in a day as I go to sleep knowing that I helped someone feel better in some way.

Next, he was telling my friends he doesn’t want to have kids until that new software that designs your kids genetics and what not comes out. “Top 10 school is not enough for my kids!” he says looking at me. My jaw dropped. My number one accomplishment in life is going to a top 10 school for my Masters!!!!!! What nerve he says. He did not even go to a top 250 school!!!

When I confronted him about some of these things after everyone left, he was very drunk. He started yelling at me and pounded his fists on my counter top. I stepped back. Wasn’t this the same person that was smiling in my friends faces earlier? Wow, he fooled them like he fooled me. When I tell him the next morning, he says he denies doing any of that. He can’t remember anything because he was so drunk. Immature.

One time a patient asked me if I would like to have kids one day (as I don’t have any). And I told her “It’s my dream to be a mommy. But my current partner doesn’t want to have kids”.

Do you know what she said?

“You can always find someone else and make them with him”.

WOMAN. PREACH! YES! Why am I waiting? I have my own place. My own car. My own job. Two fantastic degrees. He doesn’t have any of that. What the hell am I settling for?

A hand to hold.

Help.

Ooops. It slipped out of my mouth to him. Those things. And that is when he “I can’t do it anymore” and left. Giving me no room to explain. A friend said that he would have left me too if I said that. Well you know what, he’s not the one who had to experience this relationship- it was me. All my other friends said, “Shaz. You were just trying to help him aim for higher and better things. You have really built something for yourself and should continue building”.

Yes. I felt like a monster when I slipped and told him about the things I have accomplished and he hasn’t. One would think I was rubbing it in his face, but that is not what I was doing at all. I simply, need someone that will match my speed. My ambition. My hard work ethic. My work-life balance.

Yes, his hands are soft. His heart is soft (when it wants to be). Everything about him is soft and that is why I loved him so much over anyone from my past.

But.

He left me.

Despite all the things I wrote here, I was willing to work it out. He didn’t want to. And there was nothing I could do.

I deserve better. Stop apologizing.

Yeah I’m sad because the day to day life is different now that he won’t be around. Yeah I’m sad there won’t be anyone to lift any heavy items or bring me food when I have had a long day. But friends & my brother can help me with heavy items and there is a thing called UberEats and Doordash to bring me food.

The fact that he continues to watch me on social media but won’t even congratulate me on my mother’s graduation (considering he dumped me before it) shows exactly how immature he is.

I don’t need him.

The end.

xoxo. S.

Breakups Hurt

I couldn’t believe it. This wasn’t just any guy, this was someone I knew for 10 years. Why would got put him in my life again only for us to part ways?

I stare at the ceiling when I get home. I have bags to pack for the next day. I’m hungry and I need to eat. No no no no.

This can’t be happening. I really thought this was the one. But he’s made his decision, there is nothing I can do, no magic words that can make him come back. Believe me I tried.

I put my phone down. My house keys he left behind in my hands. What have I done šŸ˜¦

I can’t help but blame myself. I know it’s my fault.

But is it.

I told him time after time I can’t handle his passiveness. That he can’t just walk away or say “I don’t want to talk about it” every time I raise an issue.

I told him he isn’t really sensitive, and he doesn’t care deeply of the emotions of others and will keep doing what he does because he doesn’t understand how his actions affect them.

But it’s still my fault.

Because I didn’t accept him for who he is he says. How is that true. When I stayed with him for 5 months, introduced him to my friends, my-coworkers, my life, my world.

I don’t know.

I’m not deeply sad to the point I can’t stop crying, but at moments I will shed one tear.

My best friend is going through a breakup too. I can’t inflict my pain because unlike me, she’s never had a breakup and this is hard for her. And she says something that makes me realize why I am sad.

“I THOUGHT HE WAS THE ONE! I CAN’T KEEP JUMPING FROM GUY TO GUY! I just want the one!”

Yea šŸ˜¦

It’s sad. This was in the same day that I passed my performance evaluations at work with flying colors and the night I was preparing to fly home to see my mom graduate. It was supposed to be a happy day.

I sucked it up. I thought about the other two happy things in my life and packed for my mom’s graduation. I read my “How to Survive the Loss of a Love” book on the plane. I had a great few days celebrating my mom, I am really proud of her. Today I returned, and I am getting ready for work now. Getting this job was something I worked really hard for and I am going to work hard no matter how sad I feel.

This exact time last year, I lost my partner, job, car, and home. Today, I have only lost my partner. I’d like to say I’m lucky because that’s all I have lost today, but let me be honest. I can’t. People come, people go. But certain people have a special place in our heart and shouldn’t go šŸ˜¦

So there it is.

xoxo. S.

 

All Is Well

Dear readers,

I am so sorry to have left you! It was not my intention obviously, but some amazing things happened after my last post. Only a few days after that post- I was offered a full time position in the health department in the same little suburbs I grew up in Illinois šŸ™‚ Sooo I was busy hopping on a plane and making the big move back!

I was also busy the past 4 months learning skills for the job. I am a senior health specialist and currently working on reducing three infectious illnesses in my assigned county.

I never thought the storm would end. But alas, it has and I have my rainbow now.

I even re-united with a past flame! That’s not going as well as I wanted to, but, who knows what could happen. I will let time figure it out like it did with my job and getting over my fiancee.

After 4 months of saving up, I have finally finished furnishing my cozy apartment. I am really grateful to God, my family, and my friends for helping me through this tough year.

What have you been up to reader?? I’m glad to be back!

xoxo. S.

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Broken

in response to Daily Prompt 

I never thought I’d be broken again after that whole thing with “Prince Player”. And then after “H”. And then after “Scientist”. When things ended with my fiancee, I thought you’ve got to be kidding me.

Because, who. Gets. This. Broken?

It was hard losing both a fiancee and a job and coming back home.

The stares at holiday parties.

The nosy questions from relatives and neighbors. 

The endless job applications with multiple rounds of interviews only for rejections. 

Why? Who did I piss off? To be given this much pain?

“It will only make you stronger” they say.f95ba420213742298c05b87bffe3506a

I WAS ALREADY STRONG!! I want to shout.

“Time heals all wounds” they say.

No it doesn’t. It may seal my wound gradually, but that wound will always still be there I want to say.

“You’re still applying for jobs?” they ask.

How dare you I want to say.

But I don’t. Because of the others. The others who say:

“I’m praying for you”

“I believe in you”

“You are a strong person, but this is too much for one person to handle. And I am so sorry this happened to you”

“I am here if you need advice. Or just listen”

“Don’t ever let anyone tell you how to feel. Because only you know how bad it it is. And how bad it makes you feel”

“You are about to become something amazing. And I can’t wait to see”

You guys. Are my rocks. And because of you, I rise. And feel a little less broken every day.

-S.

A Letter to Aaron: On Avoiding the Friendzone

Today I am writing to our friend Aaron at The Confusing Middle For everyone just tuning in, please read Iā€™m Bringing Letters Back!

Dear Aaron,

First, let me apologize that this letter took me a month to get out (I’m like brother Paul now hehe). In my defense, I haven’t been well. You know what’s been going on so I’ll save you the sob story. You are a counselor right? How does one get over such a bad time in their life, do tell when you get time.

Anyways, enough about me- more about you!

Aaron, you gave me the very…fun topic…of writing you a letter…about how to avoid being friendzoned! Hmm, well. I like a challenge, so I’ll bite!

However, for everyone reading this, I want to make clear I am one female in this entire planet so if you like my opinion- lovely, if not- sorry, please do stop by for the other letters and posts.

Okay so Aaron, I can’t really say there is a “way” or a “magic rule” per say. But I can tell you a personal story of how this lovely boy I was about to friendzone turned into a great lover of mine. And maybe, we can apply it into your case.

Towards the end of grad school, after the fall out with “Prince Player” and *ahem* prior to meeting my ex-fiancee, I went on a lovely date with “Scientist”.

As I mentioned in previous posts, “Scientist” was lovely. We had nachos and drinks and I had a pleasant time talking to him about our research, grad school stories, family and our hobbies. But sitting with him, I just couldn’t help but feel that…he wasn’t really my type.

But he thought differently. After our date he offered to walk me home, and I said “no it’s okay” but he insisted AND he kissed me on my cheek.

Oh my gosh now I was really sad. I only liked him as a friend and it was clear he liked me as something more. 15 minutes later when he got to his own place, he sent me a text about how great of a time he had with me. GAHHHHH. Again I felt bad, because he was such a sweet boy and I didn’t know if I liked him in more of a “friends” way.

Ok so I text him back thanking him for a great night and I’m thinking it’s the last text I’ll ever send him. But no, I wake up- and I’m feeling good. I am feeling…happy. I hadn’t been feeling good before my date with “Scientist” and suddenly I did. I shrug, must have just been nice to go out the night before- no big deal.

But the next day, I am on the train, when I get a text from “Scientist”.

“Hey you, good luck dress shopping today!”

My jaw dropped. He remembered. On our date I was telling him how I was going dress shopping over the weekend as I needed FOUR dresses for the various graduation festivities I was attending in the coming weeks.

I was so flattered that he remembered. I continued conversing with him and how hard it was to find a dress, I ended up texting him pictures of the dresses I was trying on and he was giving me feedback. It was fun. But still, did I like him in a “more than friends” way?

Ah. So that was Friday. On that Sunday it was a brutally rainy day in Boston. I was inside doing homework…when around dinner time I get a text from him.

We talked about how cold, rainy, and disgusting the weather is outside. And he, I quote said, “it is the perfect whether to snuggle with someone”. My jaw dropped. “What are you saying? You want to snuggle with me??” I asked.

“I would love to” he said.

Well damn. Ok no point in saying “no”. I was kind of interested in him romantically, kind of not interested in him romantically so maybe this would tell me what it was.

So he came by and everything was great. And then he kissed me. Oh no! I wasn’t ready for that… And I told him. I need space, and I just wanted to be friends.

And he respected that, and left.

The next morning I woke up, and again I had this “happy” feeling. Like my heart was dancing. I couldn’t figure out why. Until…well…a few days later, when I didn’t receive a text from “Scientist” like I usually did- I knew it was “Scientist” making my heart happy all along. I liked Scientist a lot, and I was deeply missing him. And I knew, I wanted to be more than friends with him. So yea you know how the rest of the story fold. We continued seeing each other, stopped when I left Boston but continued talking with each other, started talking to him again and saw him after things ended with my ex-fiancee, and then Scientist started seeing someone else :0

Ok so what am I trying to say here Aaron? Let me pull out the things Scientist did right in making my feelings turn from I like him as a friend, to I like him romantically.

  1. He followed up after our first date as soon as he got home- This showed me he had a great time with me and was potentially interested in me.
  2. He remembered something I mentioned on our date, and used it to strike up a conversation with me after our date- This showed me he really cares about the things going on in my life and is a great listener.
  3. He made a move- This is risky. You need to assess where you are in your relationship with your partner before you do this. With me and “Scientist” I did agree, we would “snuggle” therefore it was fine.
  4. He stopped when I was uncomfortable with the move- This showed me he respects my feelings and it’s ok if I don’t like him as much as he likes me.
  5.  He gave me space- I think this was the most powerful thing “Scientist” did. He didn’t push his feelings toward me when I suggested we stay “friends”, he respected it and gave me space. In the end, this is what made me come back. Space made me realize how much I wanted him in my life.

I tell you Aaron, boys that did not do some of these things were downright friendzoned or never contacted again (particularly # 4 and # 5). The most important thing in any type of relationship you try to pursue is respect. With respect, everything that is meant to be will follow.

I hope these helped Aaron! Like I said, I am only one female on this planet and I speak from my personal experiences. Female readers, do feel free to comment if you have tips for Aaron!

And Aaron, thanks for giving me this interesting challenge and allowing me to to write you this letter.

Until next time,

Shaz