February is my least favorite month of the year. Ever since I met “Heart”, I have tried to change that. Even though he dumped me before Valentine’s day a few years ago…the way he changed me as a person still makes me have a positive outlook on it. But still. The first week of February turned out to be a challenge.
I wondered all week if this was going to be the week “Prince Player” and I “sort it all out”. After all, mercury retrograde is over ;) But it didn’t happen. I guess player is really busy. So was I.
Last night, my club and I hosted our Winter Social. It was an emotional day for me because it was the exact day “Heart” broke up with me 2 years ago. Three years ago around that day, I was hoping to see “Prince Player” and he never showed up. And last year around this date- well last year was good, “Heart” came back to me! But he left as usual :(
Anyways, I hoped “Heart” and the girls that are always flirting with him wouldn’t show up to the social. Well. They did.
But…it was somewhat okay. I focused on the other members that showed up and kept my interaction with him minimal. I did the same with Harris who doesn’t seem to want to give up his President role….:0
Finally, when “Heart” starts debating with me across the room, I go over to him. There’s no room for me to sit. He scoots over in his chair.
“Look I made room for you to sit!” he says.
Oh my good…really? No, I can’t let people see. Think of something Shahz….
“Oh that’s okay. My ass is too big for me to squeeze there” I say laughing and flipping my hair.
I see “Mr.Photography dude” and Harris do a double take.
“Heart” smiles. “Good one!” he says laughing that oh so cute laugh of his. I miss making him laugh :(
I find somewhere to sit and he starts another debate about he doesn’t believe how busy I am as I am “only the Vice President and Harris does all the work”. Wow.
I’m about to go head to head with him when Harris comes around and says, “No really that’s not true. Shahz does the most work in this club”.
Aw <3 Finally. He wouldn’t give me the role I deserve, but at least he acknowledges it.
I continue to talking to “Heart” about what I’ve been doing when Harris calls me over to him. He’s sitting with the treasurer and says we need a “mini executive board” meeting.
I tell “Heart” I’ll be back.
Again there’s no room for me to sit. “Hold on, let me just plop my booty down here for a sec” I say crouching down to the floor.
The treasurer and Harris looks at me.
“What? I need space for my booty!” I say a little too loudly. I see Mr. Photography dude trying not to laugh from across the room.
“We can talk about that later” Harris says.
Now the treasurer and I look at him :0
We laugh and get back to business.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see “Heart” get close to one of the girl’s faces. But as I look closely, I see he’s just whispering in her ear. But that doesn’t look good to me either.
“So is that okay with you?” Harris asks.
“Wait what?” I say snapping back to reality.
He tells me the date of our next event (our biggest event of the quarter, the Arabic Poetry night with Chicago Public School kids) will be in two weeks.
I tell him that weekend I’ll be gone…As we frantically look through the calendar for an alternate date, it seems that all the important people that needs to be at the event (Director of Arabic Department at our school, director at CPS school, our main professional performer, and myself) ALL have conflicts during the different weekends.
So Harris begins going through the options. “Look the director here is important, the director at the CPS school is important, our lead performer is important….” He looks me up and down.
And doesn’t say anything :0 My jaw drops. “Are you saying I’m not important and I don’t have to be there? Oh no Harris! I organized this, I started this initiative!” I say.
“Wallah! That’s not what I said. Of course I want you to be there! That’s why I’m working hard to figure this out!” he says.
“Wallah if you work hard on anything, work hard on this” I say laughing.
He gives me the worst stare. Uh oh :0 “Oh my god I was kidding! I didn’t mean it the way I meant it!” I say. I touch his shoulder, “I’m sorry, I love you”.
He shakes his had at me and gets back to planning. Whatever, Harris has not done anything in his President role and it’s time he helps out around here!
Harris and I quickly forgive each other as he makes calls to the performer to see if she can change her schedule and I make calls to see if I can change my flight.
As I step out of the room to make my calls, Harris comes out. As I’m talking on the phone he gets very close to my face. Almost like he is going to kiss me. What the hell is going on here :0
After I shoo him away, he comes back a few minutes later. I shoo him away again and I am trying hard not to laugh. Out of the corner of my eye, I see “Heart” looking at us. Oh… :) Now he knows what it feels like!
When all was said and done, the price of changing my flight would be ($500) and Harris couldn’t get the performer to change her schedule. Once back in the room, Harris puts his arms around me and pulls me close. “Heart” is standing right next to us! I pretend not to notice what Harris is doing to me. I may not love “Heart” anymore, but I am definitely a loyal woman and would not get with his best friend!
They all end up leaving early and Mr. Photography dude and I clean up.
“Don’t sleep with the enemy” he says to me.
My jaw drops. “No way!”
“You guys looked awfully close today” he says smiling.
I roll my eyes at him. “I honestly just want to talk to Prince Player” I say sadly.
He tells me to text him and I say I have no idea what I would say :/
The day once again makes me wonder. How could I be so chill and carefree in the presence of “Heart”, someone who I used to love dearly? And how could I be so uncomfortable around “Prince Player”, who I have known since the first day of school, went on many walks with, and went through a lot with me? And with Harris…how could I let him take credit for something he isn’t doing :0 How could I love all the men in my life despite the things they do :/
I may never know.
All is not fair in love, politics, and midterms. What a week!