Dating Part 5

“You see! This is why I was nervous!” I tell Mr. Photography dude and Sidekick on Skype.

“Okay calm down. How long has it been since you texted Y?” Mr. Photography dude asks.

Yea we’re calling the dude Y now because I’m not happy…

“Um like 24 hours! And hello! I should not be the one texting him to make sure we’re still on. Ugh you see. This is the same thing that used to happen with Prince Player! But he would actually text back you know” I say falling on my bed.

I’m so mad. I worked hard all week so I can go out on my date.

“That’s what you get for cheating on player” Sidekick says.

I give him a look. “I’m not cheating on him. He isn’t mine. He never was. He doesn’t want to be. I just spoke to him by the way”.

Thursday nights have officially become my hard nights because I’m really used to going out that night. In undergrad, I had Fridays off and would start my weekends on Thursdays. But now I have one of my hardest classes on Fridays and I have hours of homework  on Thursdays.

This week’s assignment included analyzing my MBTI results from last week. Obviously I sent a pic to “Prince Player” because we discussed it the last time we saw each other. And he responds saying that he’s an ENFP too!

Oh my god. I always had a hunch that he was. Sometimes, he gets me in a way that a lot of people don’t. And I get him.

I remind him we talked about this on our last day together and he was like an INFJ or something.

But now he’s an ENFP.

I tell him I must have changed him❤

He agrees and tells me he misses me.

I get sad. “I miss you too. I really miss you during times like this” I typed back as I wrote my essay.

“Me too. Remember on our last day I told you I like quick goodbyes…? Well. I feel it now” he responded.

Well then. About time. I always knew. That he would one day regret that we didn’t spend hours together on our last day. But oh well, what’s done is done.

I stare at the heels I wore last Saturday night.

14141721_876905802445257_5059560458876112988_nWhat a day that was. How could Y act like it was nothing.

“Just give it time. He has a full time job and school. He may be catching up on sleep or something” Mr. Photography dude says.

“He better have one hell of an excuse. Or I’m moving on” I say.

Reason #2 of why I don’t date. I HATE waiting. Hate it.

xoxo. S.

Nervous

(continued from A Cinderella Story and Nice Guys. ***that post has hit the roof with many views :0)

“Stop, haram” I say laughing.

He steps back. “Um yea I think we’re way past that point” he says smiling.

“Alright well. Get the fuck outta here before my mom drags my butt back home” I say.

He laughs.

I look down. “So…I’ll see you next weekend?”

He looks down too. “Yea…it’s going to be a long week”.

“How are we going to do this? You live 45 minutes away from me and we can only see each other once a week” I say.

He leans into me. “We’ll see how it goes”.

“Okay…call me when you get home”. He says he will and we say our goodbyes.

I call my mom, and then I call Yasmeen.

“TELL. ME. EVERYTHING” she demands.

I lay on my bed like a teenager who just had their first kiss.

“It was amazing Yasmeen. It was like one of the best days of my life. After all the crap that’s happened to me these past few months, he is exactly what I need! He loves sweets like me. He loves animals like me. He’s liberal like me. He loves taking long walks and kayaking like me. He loves to spoil me.  He. Well he has the opposite personality traits of me, but I think we can balance each other out ya know?”

“Wow. He seems like a good fit for you” she says.

“I know. I think we held hands for hours. He wasn’t like other guys who take advantage of me” I say.

“Awww Shaz. I’m so happy for you!”

“There’s just one little problem” I say.

“How could there be a problem?” she asks.

“I don’t know I’m nervous. He works 9-5 and then has class 6-9:45. EVERY DAY. Which means I can’t see him until the weekend. I can’t even talk to him until then either because he doesn’t like checking his phone while he’s at work/school, which is hello, all the time except Saturdays and Sundays. Like what if there’s an emergency and I wanna talk to him?”

“If there’s an emergency, call me. You know, “Heart” and player don’t seem like they were ever there for your emergencies” she says.

I sigh. “Yea but. I don’t think I ever had that relationship with them” I say.

“Well just. See how it goes. Maybe as things settle down for both of you, you can see each other more” she says.

I turn around in my bed. “Yes but that’s the thing. It’s not gonna settle down. It’s going to get really cold here soon and snow. I know for a fact he will not be commuting to see me in that weather!” I say.

She laughs. “Just breathe. See where it goes. If it’s meant to be, it will happen” she says.

“Oh there’s another problem” I say.

“Oh yea, what is it?” she asks.

“HE’S SO NICE” I say.

“Oh my god. When has that ever been a problem?”

“Uh remember I told you about “Prince Player”? He was so nice. And then you know that thing happened. Remember? So I said I would watch out for guys that seem ‘too nice’?”

“Well he never took you out on an actual date. Yusef did” she says.

Ouch. But true.

I sigh. “Okay, you’re right”.

“Did you tell him about the ADHD and anxiety?”

My jaw drops. “Oh no. I can’t. Not yet anyway.”

“It’s okay you don’t have to”.

“Well it’s a big part of me. I will eventually” I say.

When I’m done talking to Yasmeen, I get the call that he’s reached home safe. We go to sleep, and I wake up feeling happy.

This has not happened after a date in a long time.

Wow.

unnamedThe rest of the week goes by slow as he said it would. I got a C+ on my first Math assignment. And I have no idea what is happening in my Law class. My other 3 classes are going well, but these two are making me nervous.

I also went to bed at 7 am this week. Because of homework. I am soooo tired. I don’t know how I can work at this point, but I do need a job to help pay for tuition. It is also making me…nervous.

I need these nerves to stop.

xoxo. S.

A Cinderella Story and Nice Guys

(this can also be referred to as Dating Part 4)

So after moping about “The Cellist”,things just kept going downhill. My classes got way harder. My health is weird again and I need to find a good doctor. And lastly, my mom has to have surgery😦

I have never checked my phone so many times in one day.  I hoped and hoped “The Cellist” would respond to my text. Of course, he never did.

“Stop Shahz. A girl like you doesn’t have to wait around for anyone” Mr. Photography dude said.

He was so right. Just as I was feeling like crap, I met Yusef. Notice I’m using his real name! (Because he’s a normal person like me and not famous like “The Cellist”.)

Yusef is an engineer doing his Master’s at a nearby college. And. He’s Muslim! My mother would be so happy.

We bonded over the fact that our families are both in Houston and we are here for grad school. And that he’s an engineer and both my brother and dad are too. And. That we both have the biggest sweet tooth ever. Literally! I never met a guy that loves sugar as much as I do. So he asked me out. I said okay. He said he wishes he could see me sooner, but is only free during the weekend. I say that’s actually perfect for me.

So Saturday comes. And I am rushing to get ready. Because earlier in the day, I was applying for jobs. And I also had to go to the gym. I didn’t realize the gym was so far away so by the time I got back…I only had 30 minutes to get ready! Eep!

I don’t know how I did it but I managed to shower, shave, do my hair, and makeup in that time. I put on my favorite pink wrap around dress and heels.

I get a notification that a package has arrived for me. I wonder what it could be. It’s my Shakira perfume! Thank goodness. It’s like a sign from God that I should be absolutely perfect for Yusef. I spray it quickly.

When he texts saying he’ll be late. Okay good. That gives me more time to make sure everything is on point. When I’m done, I sit down to read Paul’s Canadian in Cleveland post. I missed so many of your guys’s post while grad school started. If that happens again, can you guys shoot me a quick comment being like “Hey Shaz. You missed this. Check it out. Love you- bye”? Okay great. Anyways, as I’m about to respond and write Paul a nice comment as us bloggers do, my date arrives🙂 (Don’t worry Paul I left you a comment when I got back!)

So I go downstairs. He  hugs me and says it’s good to see me. He’s not hot like “The Cellist” but he is cute. And it doesn’t feel so uncomfortable when he hugs me.

“So are you ready for an adventure?” I ask.

He laughs, “Yea. Lay it on me”.

I wanted to go to this bakery all the Bostonians have been talking about. It’s a long walk though. I wanted to make sure he was okay with it. He’s a Taurus like my brother. They aren’t usually good with things like this lol. But he’s okay with it.

So we walk and we talk.

He says he’s concentrating in Management and I say I am too! We talk about how we both had to do a Myers-Brigg Personality Test this week.

“Oh my god let me guess” he says.

I laugh. “Go”.

“Well you’re definitely an E” he says.

“That is right”.

“S?” he guesses next.

I take a breath and wink. “Oooo no”.

“You’re an N? Really? Wow. Okay so next. F?”

I smile. “Yup”.

“And then…P?”

I look at him. “Damn you’re good!”

So then I guess his. INTJ. “Fuck, we’re almost polar opposite” I say laughing.

He laughs “Is that going to be a problem?”

“Mmmm you’re T is going to be bad. I’m an F. Which means you’re a Thinker and I’m a Feeler. I feel very deeply let me tell you” I say.

He’s also a Taurus. Every astrology book says that Taurus’s and Sagittarius’s are not compatible. But I’ll have to solve that puzzle myself.

He laughs. “I’m a huge nerd when it comes to this stuff”.

I could just hug him. “Believe me, me too” I say.

So we arrive at the bakery. I’m so happy to see his eyes light up like mine when we see the sweets. We make small talk with the cashier about how we can’t decide. I wonder if she can tell if this is our first date. Well, he decides on his treat. I take a while longer. But he is so patient. And I wonder why both he and the cashier are waiting for me to decide. And I remember, it’s so he can pay❤ So I quickly decide. He pays and we sit down.

We talk about our families, our cultures, our religion, and our past relationships.

“Look. I think our religion can be so strict at times. I think as long as you’re a good person, you should be able to do what you want” he says in pertaining to dating and alcohol.

“Agreed” I say. “Why am I getting the vibe that you think I’m a prude?” I ask smiling.

He laughs. “Sorry. My last Muslim girlfriend was”.

I laugh. “Trust me. I am not”.

We stay quiet for a while.

“I’ve never had a Muslim boyfriend before” I say.

“Really?”

I nod. We talk more about our previous relationship. I tell him about “Prince Player”.

He laughs after I’m done with the story. “That sounds so scandalous”.

I laugh even more.

He says he wants to leave. I get so sad thinking our night is over, but, it was only beginning🙂 He just meant he was tired of sitting. So was I. So we walked around the city and stumbled upon this beautiful giant fountain where everyone was watching the water fall.

We sit there and talk some more. And I find out. That he too had a yellow labrador retriever, with almost the same name as my yellow labrador retriever!! We freak out over that common fact too.

The fountain goes down. So we get up and walk again. As we walk, he puts his arm around me. He feels what I’m feeling. I feel it. When I see this lake with benches around it, I suggest we sit again.

So we do. His hands are interlocked in mine. And we hold it on my thigh.

Couples walk past us but it’s just us sitting on the benches.

He is so red from blushing.

14055133_871861526283018_4708553009968455201_n

“Sorry. It’s just been so long. Since I’ve been with someone like you” he says looking away.

I put my around him and smile. “It’s okay”.

He laughs to himself. “I’m so used to being a nice guy. And you know. Nice guys finish last”.

I rest my chin on his shoulder. “Yea, but they get the best”.

He shakes his head and laughs.

And he looks into my eyes.

I am not. About to be the girl that begins making out with a guy on the lake.

I turn my face away and see my phone light up.

“Fuck”.

“What?” he asks panicked.

“It’s almost midnight! Shit!” I get up.

“What? So? Do you have to be somewhere?”

I sigh. “No. It’s just. I’m supposed to call my mom. You know Arab moms. They want to know where we are. And I forgot to call her because I was getting ready for you. Fuck”.

He laughs. “Oh my god. Yea let’s go”.

I grab my purse. “This is like Cinderella. I gotta go. And next thing you know- I’m going to run and leave my shoe behind-”

“-and then I’m going to go around to every girl in Boston wondering which girl the shoe belongs to and is my Princess” he finishes.

I could just die. A guy that gets my Princess references. I smile and we hold hands all through the walk home.

When we see my apartment building I stop talking.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“That’s my place. But. I don’t want this night to end” I say. “Look at all these couples holding hands and making out” I say.

He laughs. “I know”.

I bite my lip. “Okay. So. Here’s what we can do. We can quickly go up to my place, and you’ll kiss me goodnight. Or we can say goodbye and I’ll see you next weekend”.

He laughs. “I can’t believe you’d even give me a choice”.

Shit. “Oh my god you’re right. Sorry. Yea I’ll see you next weekend” I say.

He takes my hand back. “Wait Shahz no. Of course I’ll go with you”.

I smile. No way. When we get to my place he looks at me. I kiss him. And he kisses back.

He smiles. “I guess you were right”.

“About what?” I ask my nose touching his.

“Nice guys get the best girl” he says.

No kidding.

(to be continued).

xoxo. S.

Dating Part 3

I touch up my blush and eyeliner. It feels nice to be getting ready for a guy.

“The Cellist” knocks. He smiles when I open the door. He leans and goes for my lips, but when I give him a look he kisses my cheek instead and laughs.

I ask him how rehearsal was and he says it was good.

He outs his cello down and stares at my view. “Wow” he says.

“I know” I say.

I go up to him. “So…what were you thinking about me?”

He sits down and looks deeply into my eyes. “I was just…thinking about our date…and how beautiful you are”.

I smile. And I look away.

We talk more about our day. How stressful grad school is for us. And more for him because he is a traveling musician.

We also talk about how he is a Libra and I’m a Sagittarius.

“Ooooo my dad’s a Libra” I tell him.

He laughs. “Is that a good or bad thing?”

I shrug. “I think it’s good”. We read a description on my phone. About how Libra’s and Sagittarius’s both like the finer things in life, fancy places, expensive things, always dress nice, are spontaneous, love adventures, are classy, and more.

“Oooo it says you avoid confrontation. Oh my god so if we have a fight you won’t talk to me anymore?” I ask.

He nods. “Yep. Absolutely true”.

Little did I know that tidbit would be helpful.

I scroll down to “Libra in Love”. “Oh my gosh. It says ‘don’t be surprised if your Libra man surprises you with roses on the bed and champagne in the moonlight’. You would do that for me?” I ask.

He nods and smiles. “Yea. That I would”.

I look into his eyes. And then he looks into mine.

And his lips touch mine.

And everything went downhill from there.

When it’s all done he nibbles on my cheek. “You’re so cute. I just want to eat your face”.

I laugh. So many guys I told that to, and they never said it back. But he actually does.

But this isn’t good. I look away.

“So. Um. We should be friends.This is it okay. I think this is the last time we should see each other”.

He looks shocked. “What why?”

“I don’t know. I’m too attached to you and we can’t do this. We need to be friends” I say.

He begins to kiss me again. “What kind of friends?” he asks smiling.

I pull my face away and put my hand on his chest. “No. This isn’t a good idea”.

I sit down. He gets ready to go.

He stops. “You act like we’re never going to see each other again. Don’t act like that” he says laughing.

“You’ll find another beautiful girl with big boobs don’t worry” I say.

He shakes his head and laughs. “It’s not about the boobs, come on”.

We laugh. He says some more things.

I just can’t wait for him to leave and I don’t know why. Finally he’s all ready to go and I walk him to my door.

“Can I just make out with you one last time?” he asks.

I laugh. So it happens. And he leaves.

I Facetime “Mr. Photography dude” because he’s been texting.

“So how did it go?” Sidekick asks sitting next to him.

“I broke up with him” I say.

“What why??” Mr. Photography dude asks shocked.

“Because. I think he expects more” I say.

“What are you talking about? Wait. Shahz. No. Did you two hook up???” he asks.

I stay quiet.

“Oh no. Oh no” Sidekick begins.

“It was all his idea! I was only cuddling and he began all this!” I say.

“Okay okay. What kind are we talking about. Was it a Denver hookup. A Miami hookup. A Vegas hookup. A Chicago Hookup. What?” Mr. Photography dude asks.

I laugh. We like to code hookups using names of places I lived in/we all love.

I swallow. “Miami” I say quietly.

“OH MY GOD! You. Shahz oh my god. It’s only like your guy’s second date!” Sidekick says.

Mr. Photography dude looks at him. “Shhh at least it wasn’t Vegas”. He looks at me, “Are you okay?”

I look down. “Yea…”

“Are you sure?” he asks.

I look at him. He can tell. That I didn’t really want or expect any of this.

“I think you did the right thing” he says.

I nod.

So we all go to sleep.

img_0738And when I wake up the next morning I realize this huge mistake that I made. I think about how he texted me everyday, texts back fast, loves to see me dressed up, loves to take me to expensive places, always reminds me I’m beautiful, doesn’t think I’m high maintenance. Actually treats me like a princess. Never makes me feel lonely. I loved every moment with “The Cellist”.

Fuck. I made a mistake.

I text him. Wishing him luck in his show. And that we should talk.

But he never responds.

And this is why I don’t date. I make rash decisions, that I regret later.

“Shit this is how ‘Heart’ and ‘Prince Player’ must feel after they dump me and realize they want me back. But I actually take them back” I tell Mr. Photography dude as I moped all week.

“Yes that’s what happens when you friend-zone a guy” Sidekick says.

“Oh shut up. She doesn’t owe her body to anybody. She should be with someone that respects her more” Mr. Photography dude says.

I smile. He is so sweet.

“I don’t know what happened last night. I just panicked. With moving to a new city, andimg_0733 new school, and all of this with a new guy- it just felt like a lot. I just want to be in his arms again. And be out with him again. Oh my god what do I do. I’m so stupid” I say.

“No Shahz. No. You don’t. You feel this way with every guy you meet. Find someone else” he says.

“How?” I ask.

He laughs. “Is that a joke? You got 5 guys interested in you in the past week and 2 dates. By the end of next week, you’ll probably have a lot more guys and maybe a new date” he says.

I say he’s weird.

But he was right.

Goodness.

(to be continued)

xoxo. S.

 

Dating Part 2

I get nervous the night before my date with “The Cellist”. I have class and a few meetings that day. So I give myself a facial and prepare my outfit.

I Facebook stalk him and find out he’s been in a serious relationship. With a very beautiful Colombian girl.

Wallah, I can’t. Look at this girl” I tell Mr. Photography dude.

“Okay calm down. Yea she’s beautiful, but you’re beautiful too.”

“Ugh. Every time that these guy’s have ex’s I’m like whatever, I’m 10x better anyway. But this one oh my goddd” I say.

“Well. I like the confidence. No reason why you can’t have it with this one either. Ignore her” he says.

Ok.

So the Cellist texts about how he can’t wait to see me. I tell him I don’t really know the area too well and don’t know where we should go. I suggest a few and then I change my mind. I wait for him to call me high maintenance. But no. He says he’ll pick me up and we can go on an adventure and pick a place together❤

So the next day I dress up in my pumps, pencil skirt, and baby pink top. The meetings go by very slow. So does class.

But at last. It’s date time!

After the long commute home, I touch up my makeup. I look at my outfit and wonder if it’s too much for a first date. But I’m too lazy to change so I keep it on. A few minutes later, the Cellist has arrived. I take a deep breath.

I walk outside. And he comes over to me. “Hey” I say. “Hey, you look beautiful” he says and hugs me.

Okay a hug. Why am I already uncomfortable. I shrug it off. Us Arabs are very physical. I’m surprised he didn’t kiss my cheek.

“So where we going?” I ask.

“There’s this nice cafe nearby…”

So we walk on over there. We talk about what we’re studying in school. He tells me his dad has an MPH. I tell him it’s really great that he’s a musician, going beyond the Arab stereotype. He laughs. We’re really getting along. So it’s time to ask some serious questions.

“Are you Muslim?” I ask.

“No. Are you?”

Fuckkkkkkk. “Yes….” I say.

“How important is it to you? I mean if we’re just dating… I think it’s okay right?”

I bite my lip. “I don’t know. It’s kinda important to me”.

“Well. We’ll just see how today goes?” he asks.

“Sounds good”.

The cafe is so beautiful and pink. He treats me like a princess opening each door, pulling out my chair. And paying for our food. Oh my god I was so embarrassed when I pulled out my purse to pay. I forgot what happens on dates.

We sit. He stares deeply into my eyes. I look away.

“Are you an introvert or an extrovert?” he asks.

I sip my cappuccino. “I’m an extrovert when I wanna be. Why? Do I seem like an introvert?”

He leans in. “Right now you do. Why do you keep looking away?”

“Because. You’re staring at me” I say.

“Because you’re so beautiful” he says looking me up and down. “Very sexy”.

I swallow. I’m glad I kept my work clothes on.

“Shhh we’re in a cafe” I say trying not to laugh out loud.

He laughs. We talk about our families, our culture, and everything in between.

“My last boyfriend was a Palestinian Christian” I say.

His jaw drops. “No way” he says.

“Way. So I have experience” I say laughing.

We talk more about our dating history. He is no stranger to dating or intimacy.

“My relationship with the other girl ended a while ago. Since then I casually dated, and this summer I was too busy” he says.

Okay good. So I’m his first after a while.

“So this summer I had flings” he finishes.

I almost choke on my cappuccino. Oh my god.

He notices. “What you never had a fling?” he asks laughing.

I sigh. “No. Not really. Maybe. But not multiple”.

He laughs. “Impressive. Look I’m not a player. The last one was like in July”.

I sigh. “Yea but…I just don’t want this to be a fling” I say staring into his eyes.

“Well. You know the issue here” he says.

We stay silent for a while.

“So we’ll be friends. Come to my shows” he says laughing.

We stay silent again.

fullsizerender10“But. You like me” I say.

And then he nods. “I’m so attracted to you”.

I swallow.

“I really want to kiss you” he says not taking his eyes off of me.

Goodness.

“Maybe we should wait it out. Go home. If we still have feelings for each other, we’ll go out again next week” I suggest.

He laughs. “That sounds good to me”.

As we leave, I tell him one more bit of information.

“So. I’m not a musician. But I am a performer. I’m a…belly dancer”.

I swallow. This is every Arab guy’s dream or nightmare.

His jaw drops. “Oh my god. Screw my private concert. You’re giving me one!” he says laughing.

I laugh. “Good. I’m glad you’re amused. My last Palestinian boyfriend was not happy about it” I say.

He laughs and walks me home. It is such a beautiful night. And I can tell we’re getting close.

“You can’t kiss me tonight” I say. Thinking back to my first date with “Heart”…

“Okay I won’t” he says laughing.

“We need to wait” I say.

“I promise I won’t make a move” he says laughing.

So we arrive at my place. And we hug. “Take care hun” he says.

Phew. I go home and take off my outfit.

I update Mr. Photography dude. “He was talking about my looks the entire time!” I say.

He laughs. “What do you expect a guy to do when a hot woman like you sits in front of them and it’s his first time getting to be with you? Get to know him. You guys will find other things to talk about as time goes on”.

“Yea I guess…”

So I go to sleep. Feeling strange. I have dreams about him.

And I wake up missing him.

Holy shit. This is why I don’t date. Because it messes with my brain!

I keep thinking about him all day and he texts as soon as I’m done with class. “Thinking about you”.

It makes me so happy. We decide we’ll see each other later that night.

Oh. my. gosh. What happened to our “1 week” rule.

(to be continued)

xoxo. S.

Dating

I seriously need to set up a time to write and read. Grad school is no joke. I have no time to even check Snapchats anymore! I miss you guys so much.

The grad school chronicles have continued. This week’s major dilemmas was trying to get accommodations for my ADHD/learning disability, dating, and dealing with my never ending period.

“I’m afraid your undergrad accommodations don’t transfer over and you will have to get the tests redone to prove your diagnosis” the director says reading through the paperwork my psychologist and I worked hard to put together.

My jaw drops. Testing takes forever! And getting a testing date takes forever!

She feels bad for me. “I will clear you for this semester and give you accommodations. But before next semester begins, I need more information”.

I thank her a hundred times. That was really nice of her. My undergrad institution would not have done that.

After I get out of that meeting, my phone is blowing up with texts. From different guys.

Yes, I have decided, I’m going to start dating.

Do you believe this?

I thought a lot about what “Prince Player” said a few months ago. About how I’m acting like a princess and can’t call him  a player just because he doesn’t want to have a relationship with me. Obviously, none of that is true.

But. He has a point. I should not get depressed or anxious over him. Or his desires to be with other women. It’s his life and his absolute right to do it.

I should just. See other men.

I didn’t even think about it. Until I met quite a lot of boys this week who were interested in me. Each gave me their number/asked me out on a date.

fullsizerender8I’m not sure how this happened. Oh wait yes I do. I am a very attractive, smart, and funny girl.

I feel like how “Prince Player” did in his first week of undergrad. What was I expecting? New city= lots of new people.

And like I said before, I would like somebody. It’s Fall and Pumpkin Spice Latte’s are great, but I need someone to keep me warm and watch the leaves fall with. And someone, that takes my mind off the books. But not too much off the books. And as much as I want that someone to be player, it won’t be.

Plus my mother has started telling me to “find a husband” before she does it for me. So. There’s that.

So I talked to all these boys and I narrowed it down to two. I am not a player okay. First, we had “Yale”. Note: I was totally going to use their real names but both are very well known in Boston and I can’t. Anyways, “Yale” is amazing. He is a mathematician from London, who got a scholarship to go to Yale, and now works at a certain Ivy League here in Boston. What I loved about him is instead of jumping straight to my looks, he asked me what got me interested in public health. And we had a long discussion about it.

Mr. Photography dude had a field day. “Pay up” he said looking at Sidekick on FaceTime. “I told you she was going to meet some guy from an Ivy League in the first week”.

I laugh. But after “Yale” gave me his number and told me text him to set up a day for our date…he never responded!

“Whatever. You have like 4 other guys and the rest of Boston anyway” Mr. Photography dude says when I update him.

I laugh. “But he’s the most successful!” I say.

“Well have fun with the other 4 and get with him when he comes around” he says.

I shake my head. “Oh my god you’re awful” I say.

So then, when I went to an event to mope, I met “The Cellist”. I was telling my friends that “Yale” probably didn’t like me because I’m short and he’s tall. When “The Cellist” comes up to me and says “I like petite girls”.

Okay then.

And so I just had to say, “And I like musicians” .

The Cellist is from Palestine. He is an amazing cello player. He got a full-ride to attend a certain well known music school here. And he is all over Youtube. One of his videos has 2 million views.

Again I wonder, how in the world I got two amazing men to be interested in me. And Ifullsizerender9remind myself I am very attractive, smart, and funny.

Unlike, “Yale” the cellist keeps texting me and checking up on me. He actually wants to take me out and already has a place in mind.

Oh my.

I tell Mr. Photography dude.

“Do you have a thing for Palestinian musicians?” he asks laughing.

Oh yea. “Heart”. and Harris. I swallow. “I have a thing for Palestinians. And I have a thing for musicians. Let’s just put it at that” I say.

“This one’s famous though. Wow” Mr. Photography dude says watching one of his videos.

“How will I tell my parents I fell in love with a musician? They won’t like that.”

“Easy. See if you even like him first. And keep in mind he is a legit musician and has a good education and job.”

I nod. “His name sounds Muslim. But he could not be one, like “Heart” I say.

“There ya go. There’s your second dilemma. Find that out too”.

I take a deep breath. I haven’t been out on a date in a long time. I was in for a ride these past two days.

(to be continued)

xoxo. S.

Grad School

Wow. The first week of grad school was…intense. You may have noticed from my lack of presence on here! I promise after I finish this post I’m going to catch up on all your blogs🙂

Thanks again to Aaron for taking over for a day when I was gone! At the rate of my studies are going so far, I will need more guest bloggers!

I slept maybe an hour the night before leaving for Boston. I was excited and nervous. My mom had me call all my relatives and let them know I’m leaving. We joke about how if they lived here, all 40 something of them would be over. When my alarm went off the next morning, I was like one of those kids that get excited for the first day of school. I did my makeup and quickly made sure I had all my luggage. And then it was time for goodbyes. My mom was coming with my to the airport but my dad had work in a few hours so he was sleeping. I kiss my dad’s cheek. “This is the start of a new journey for you, be good and do well” he says. Then we pray. I usually cry during this part, but this time I was good. And then it’s my dog, she gives me her paw and makes me scratch her ear. She has a really bad ear infection and I remind my mom she needs to give my baby her ointment everyday. My mom laughs and says she will.

On the way to the airport I notice “Prince Player” is awake too. He had a flight too. We begin chatting and he keeps me company. When I reach the airport, my mom says she’s really proud of me and I can do this. I kiss her goodbye and thank her for everything.

The flight is really long. 4 hours! I slept a little, got anxious about school a little, ate a little, and finally we arrived. When we arrived I took a taxi to my apartment and that’s when the series of stressful situations begin.

There I was, excited to see my first own apartment. When my key got stuck in the lock!!! MY KEY GOT STUCK. After a long day and moving all my stuff upstairs, I just want to get the stuff in my room and sleep! But no. I call the maintenance office. They say they will send someone. That someone arrives after 10 minutes and can’t open it either…And so he calls the locksmith. The locksmith arrives another 15 minutes later.

“It’s your first day and you got your key jammed?” he jokes with me.

Yea, no kidding.

Until he can’t do anything either. Finally her puts some WD 40 and does some other things and viola, my apartment door has opened! I walk inside. It’s great. It has a beautiful view of the skyline. Ahhhh. But…where is my bed? I call the furniture company who was supposed to come then. They say they are busy and will stop by in 3 hours. Ahhh. So i pass out on the floor.

Eventually the bed gets delivered, but still I can barely go to sleep because I’m so excited for school. Well I should have saved my energy, because the next 4 days, I was in for a roller coaster.

On Tuesday, my first day, I dress up all cute and take lots of first day of school pics. Good thing I dressed up because everyone was dressed up! I met so many people different than me who are not coming directly from undergrad but from jobs like being a doctor, a nurse, a psychologist, a teacher, a businessman and more! Some are married, some have kids. I quickly get the nickname “baby”. I get a response from one of the pictures I sent Prince Player about it being my first day of grad school. “You’ll do great babe” he has responded. Aw. I smile. Hey Aaron did you and player both have a convo about me? Both of you told me “you’ll do great!”. No? Okay. On with the story! I tell player how everyone is older than me. “Haha yea” he says. He’s a grad student too, he gets it.

Anyways, the rest of the day I have to visit hospitals, community health centers, and restaurants doing projects. It was like this all week 9-5. And I have to commute so it was more like 8-6. I passed out everyday after I got home.

But on Friday, I was in for a real treat. My brother and dad came to visit! My brother coming was great. But my dad coming was an even bigger deal. He had a big business trip in New York and I knew he was exhausted. It made me giggle as he took calls outside my apartment in his suit. Poor dad. Coming all the way here after a long week just for me.

So they helped me put together my furniture and we were on our way out to explore Boston and eat dinner. When I notice I don’t have my ID card on me. WHERE DID IT GO??? My  ID! I need my ID because it has my money on it and it is access into my building. Oh shit. My bother, dad, and i search all over the building. In my room, in the elevator, everywhere. I call the ID office who say they are open for another hour and I can go buy a new one.

Alright. Well. I’ve never been on this campus. So we walk in circles trying to find the ID office. This place that is only 6 minutes away from me takes us 40 minutes to find.

Great.

Once there, I am told I have to pay $40 for a new ID.

Great.

After I get it, we are all happy.

And then I randomly check my email where the leasing manager has told me that another resident found my ID in the elevator and they have it for me to pick up.

Great. 40 minutes and $40 gone.

My brother shakes his head. “Try not to lose your ID in the first week of school loser”. My dad smiles sympathetically at me.

We go to a restaurant for dinner and I can’t stop thinking about it.

I feel so stupid and tell my dad I’ll pay for it.

“Nah don’t worry about it.”

I almost begin to cry. “No I don’t want you to pay for my stupid mistake”.

“You act like nobody has ever made a mistake. This is your first week in a new city and a new school. Stop it”.

I smile. But I can’t let it go. So I do end up paying for it and place my ID in the inner most pocket of my purse and vow to always keep it there and not on a lanyard.

At the hotel, my brother and my dad pass out immediately. They’re both tired from work. I try to do the same but I feel a horrible cramp. A few minutes later, I realize why. My monthly gift has decided show up at the most inconvenient time. And hello! IT’S THREE WEEKS EARLY!! Is that even possible?? I have no pads and no tampons. I call my mom. She says it must be all the excitement and anxiety from moving and school. I go to the hotel concierge where I ask if there is a place I can buy toiletries.

The female receptionist asks me “what kind”. I swallow and quietly say “a personal toiletry” so the male receptionist does not hear. She raises her eyebrows and opens a drawer. “I’m all out but there’s a CVS a mile that way”.

Oh my. I feel like my cramps will make me drop on the floor any minute, I can’t walk anywhere!

And then the male receptionist tells her, “just go look in the back”.

And a few minutes later, she returns with two tampons and two pads.

“God bless that man” my mom says.

Yes. God bless.

I go to sleep and thank God that it’s at least the weekend so I can rest up the cramps and tiredness. My brother and dad leave the next morning and they remind me to work hard. I tell them I will.

FullSizeRender(2)I see Harris and “Heart” watching all my Snapchat stories and seeing all my posts on social media but not saying anything. It bothers me. And then it doesn’t.

Because I am in grad school. This is my dream. And I won’t let any obstacle in health, education, finances, or love stop me.

xoxo. S.

 

 

Take Care of You (by Aaron)

Hello readers! Thanks for being patient with me as I get adjusted to me new home and school. Today was my first day at school and well….uh I survived so I guess that’s good. Anyways, since I can’t be here much this week- I had asked one of my favorite bloggers Aaron at The Confusing Middle to write a post for us this week! If you’re just tuning in, welcome to “The Shaz Show”! Here we talk about real life issues and solutions. I kid. No I do not. Okay I need more sleep. Anyways, Aaron is awesome. I specifically asked him to write for me and write about this topic because this is something I have been lacking lately and should not be lacking as I start grad school. So listen to Aaron everybody!

Dear readers of For the Love of Sass…

First, let me say it’s an honor to be asked to write a guest post this week while Shaz adjusts to life in grad school and Boston (You’ve got this!). Second, if you’ve ever read my personal blog, you might be expecting something funny. I don’t always think I’m funny, but I’m told that, a lot of the time, I have humor mixed in with my posts. Well, Shaz suggested that I write something about self-care. This is something that I actually take pretty seriously because it’s a concept that not too many people consider important. So I’ve tried to take this post kind of seriously. But if you get a chuckle thrown in here or there, I guess that’ll just be a bonus.

It’s a little sad to me, to think that a movie that came out when I was a kid is now old enough to be considered a classic. But, that’s because, despite the fact that I’m actually in my mid-30s, I like to believe I’m still in my mid-20s. This doesn’t change the fact that Pretty Woman, a classic film, is now 27 years old. Anything over 25 is an antique, right?

“Take care of you,” is a line from that 27-year-old movie. Sure, it’s advice given by one prostitute to another as she climbs into Richard Gere’s Lotus, speeding toward Beverly Hills. But it’s still good advice. And it’s advice that we don’t often think to apply to our own lives.

I’ve spent the majority of my career working as a counselor in various capacities. Most people who have worked in a human services related field will tell you that it can be difficult to separate yourself from the people you’re helping. And that’s because you’re able to go beyond feeling sympathetic toward the people around you. It’s because you’re able to empathize, genuinely feeling what another person is feeling. It means you’re willing to get down into the mud with someone and help them get through whatever it is they’re going through.

Where do you draw the line? Where are your boundaries?

Boundaries need to exist. When I first started out as a counselor, I didn’t understand that. I worked with kids who had heartbreaking stories. Seriously, I sometimes joke that I don’t have a soul, but thinking about what some of my clients had been through during their first four or five years of life would bring me to the edge of tears. Starting out, it was so easy to get drawn into my clients’ lives. At the same time, it was so difficult to leave it all behind at the end of the day. Over time, I learned to do just that. I learned how to leave my work at work, because if I didn’t, it would tear me up inside and begin to affect my personal life.

But taking care of yourself isn’t limited to people who work closely with other people. Everyone needs to hear that line, “Take care of you,” from time to time. If you’re not taking care of yourself, it’s impossible to take care of others. Think about it this way: When you’re on an airplane and the flight attendants are giving instructions for emergency situations, do they tell you to help everyone in your row to get their oxygen masks on before you reach for yours? No! Because by the time you’re finished putting on masks for everyone else, you’ve passed out from lack of oxygen. You put your mask on, then you help the old lady sitting next to you. That may seem like a hard thing to think about. But it isn’t selfish. It’s smart.

So how should you go about taking care of yourself? How do you make sure that you are finding ways to destress at the end of your day? I’d love to give you advice or some kind of “How to” instruction, but it just isn’t that simple. Everyone is different. Everyone has different stressors in their lives and everyone has different ways of eliminating stress. But here are a few ideas that may get the ball rolling for you…

Exercise – This could be jogging/running, weightlifting, spin class, hiking, rock climbing, dancing, sports, Tae Bo (Is that still a thing? I told you, I’m old… Also, clearly not in touch with current exercise trends). Whatever physical activity you prefer can be an incredible way to release tension.

Music – This is one that I can identify with, big time. After a long day at work, I had a long commute back home. So I would crank up the radio in my car and sing along with whatever I was listening to. Music can be a great way to help you unplug.

Friends – Being around other people can help to alleviate your stress. Unless your friends are what is causing your stress. In which case, avoid those people like the plague. But, the true friends in your life, the ones that are there for you no matter what, they’re the ones that can help you to take care of you.

Family – This can fall into the same category as the Friends, actually. If watching movies and TV has taught me anything, it’s that family can often be the source of stress for people, especially around the holidays. But family is also an incredible blessing (whether I want to always admit it or not). I know it’s different for everyone. But, if you’re lucky, home is where you can go because there’s always someone there who will take you in.

Alcohol – Look, I’m really not a drinker myself. So I thought about not listing this one. But Homer Simpson once described alcohol as both the cause and solution to all of life’s problems. He’s not too far off, I’m sure. I’m not saying that you should go out and get hammered whenever your boss starts breathing down your neck or you just found out that your student loan payments are coming due next week. But a glass of wine at the end of the day to help you unwind sure won’t hurt anyone.

Create – Draw, paint, sculpt, write, take pictures, build… What kind of art are you into? Doesn’t matter if you’re good at it or not. Get into it. Get your hands dirty. If it’s what you love, let nothing stop you.

Kids, these are just six simple examples of how you can focus on your needs. But no one can tell you how to do that. It’s something you have to figure out for yourself. Maybe there’s a way that works for you that isn’t on my far from exhaustive list. Whatever it is, do it.

Disclaimer: I am not giving you permission, nor am I suggesting that you start being selfish. There’s enough of that going on in the world today. Love people, but love yourself, too. Find the balance. It exists, trust me.

For more posts by Aaron, check out his blog The Confusing Middle. And do send me more cookies and letters! I’m going to need some this week…

xoxo. S.

 

A Moment Before I Go…

Dear readers,

I wanted to take this time to say…bye for now. And by “bye” I mean a week. Or until something funny/miserable happens in Boston and I need to share it with you all. That’s13173804_814105715391933_8374924321319640553_n actually why I’m leaving you for a bit, next week I move into my little studio and begin orientation! I’m excited and nervous.

These past three months of summer have been stressful because of all the planning I had to do to prepare for this new chapter in my life. Endless resumes, apartment hunting, missing my friends. That sums it up.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how in the world I will find a job, balance a full time job (if that is what I get) with school, commute 45 minutes back and forth to classes, and how I will make new friends and get over old ones.

The answer right now is, I don’t know. But I’ll do the best I can. And I will try not to break. Here are some things I have learned and hope to remember during tough times.

1.) What someone thinks of you is their business, and not yours. Thot. Princess. Fussy. These are the words people referred to me as. And I frankly, do not give a damn.

2.) There is only one person you should be competing with, and that is yourself. Most of my friends that graduated with me already have $60,000 starting salary jobs. I’m jealous. But I know I have a dream of having the letters MP and H next to my name. And goodness, I will not let anything stop me from that.

3.) Never apologize for how you feel. Be sad if you want to be sad. Be upset if you want to be upset. Be happy if you want to be happy. Life is too short to constantly defend the way you feel.

4.) There is a time for love and babies. A lot of my friends got married or pregnant this summer. My relatives keep asking me when I’ll do the same…Again. Hello! I want a guy. I want a mini-me.  But then again, it’s not time for me yet. When it’s my time, it’s my time. And I will celebrate. But right now, it’s time to further my education.

5.) Boys will come and boys will go. Their loss, not yours. Every time some guy leaves my life, I am an emotional wreck. Us Sagittarius women feel deeply. And I feel. When I ache, I ache bad. I don’t think this will ever change, but something I can change is my attitude towards it. Whenever someone leaves, I say to myself, “Oh it’s because I was too this, or too that”. When in reality, I was just fine. giphy-facebook_s

6.) You’re worth a lot more than a hook-up. So try not to do that again. Please.

7.) Your friends and family are still only a minute away. I miss all my Chicago friends so much. But in today’s world of Snapchat, FaceTime, and Skype… I know I can see them when I want to❤

And lastly…

8.) I’m only 22. I have barely seen the world. I need to forgive myself for the stupid things I do. I need to learn from the stupid things I do.

And so that’s that🙂 Farewell for now readers. Our good friend Aaron at Peckapalooza will stop by to do a guest post as I anxiously move in and participate in orientation. Do send letters (and some cookies). And I’ll post when I can!

xoxo. S.

I’m Good :)

I can’t believe it’s been almost a year since my last year of college begin. Aside from working, taking 5 classes, and studying for the GRE- it was a really memorable time. In love and friends.

I still remember what “Prince Player” said during our first fiasco this year. “This is so small! There are more important things than our relationship!” I was sad that day. I didn’t know what he meant. To me, people and the relationships I have with them are everything.

But on Tuesday, as I sat in the doctor’s office, I knew. That player was right. There were more important things!

Such as being 22, young, and happy, and finding a lump right before you’re about to move to a new city and accomplish the dream you worked so hard for.

I breathe in and out. I think about the day before. On Monday, my dad took me to my favorite restaurant. He doesn’t really like the place, but I do. When we were done, he put his arm around me and smiled, “Are you happy?” he asked. I sigh. “Of course Daddy”. My whole family knew I was anxious and tired of being sick, they were doing small things to cheer me up.

My mom told me everyone was praying for me.

“You told grandma and all my aunts?” I ask.

“Well gosh Shahz. I had to let it out. It’s hard for me too you know” she says.

I squeeze her hand. “I know, how did they take it?”

She shakes her head. “Not good. You know, they were all excited for you. And then this. We’re all disappointed”.

I hug her. “It’s all going to be okay, mama”.

***FullSizeRender(4)

I’m nervous Tuesday. All the classical music playing in the office is not calming at all. I start praying again. I tell God that if I’m okay, I’ll take better care of myself. I’ll stop doing things I don’t want for people. I won’t push myself beyond my limit. I’ll stop staying up for guys that don’t want me the way I want them. I won’t-

“Shaz?”

I stop praying.

Dr. Hart, the radiologist has arrived. I breathe.

“So yes. The lump is still there, I could feel it. But I don’t see anything on the ultrasound. Your platelets were high as Dr. Clark said, so maybe your body was just fighting off an infection. It is fading. I don’t see any cause to take it out. Just keep an eye on it and keep taking ibuprofen three times a day”.

I’m so happy I could cry. Bless. Bless. Bless.

The nurse fills out the paperwork.

“You’re leaving for Boston Monday right?” she asks.

I smile and nod.

“Good luck! We’ll be rooting for you!” she says.

I smile even bigger and thank her. I am so blessed.

I find my mom and tell her the good news. She smiles bigger than I do. “Let’s go buy some things for you to take to Boston!”

“Can I have like 5? I have a few calls to make…” I say.

She gives me a look. I smile at her. “Ah” she says winking.

After calling my dad and brother, I call Mr. Photography dude. “I’m good” I say.

“Oh thank god. Yasmeen and I were worried sick during the training!” he says.

I laugh. So I call Yasmeen next. “I’m good” I say again.

“I am so so happy for you love! Thank goodness” she says.

I smile. And then I call my mentor. He recently got his MPH and knows how important it is to me.

“Yes!!! Thank goodness! See, I told you that you had nothing to worry about!”

I smile and go find me mom.

“Now you gotta call my family and dad’s family” she says.

Oh goodness. She calls her mom (my grandma) first and hands the phone to me.

“Oh my gosh Shahz! You gave us all a scare didn’t you?” she asks.

I laugh. “Grandma. I told you not to worry about me!”

“How am I supposed to not worry about you? You were my first granddaughter! My baby! I love you, Shahz”.

Aw. I speak with my aunt (from dad’s side) next. She has a history of this issue and knows the pain.

“Thank god Shahz. Now that that’s over. Try to de-stress and relax now. Please” she says.

FullSizeRender(3)I promise her I will. And then I promise myself.

I shop a little and go to dance class.

When I get home, I think a lot about the promise I made to God. About being better to myself. I’m going to do it this year for sure.

Any self-care tips? Comment below!

Thanks to all of my readers for being supportive this past week. The e-mails I got from you, comments you left me, all of it, kept me going. I truly believe all our positive thoughts is what helped me feel better! I love you all, with all my heart. Boston here we go!

xoxo. S.