My Wi-fi is back! And getting ready for Senior Year…

Well, that was fun living without wifi for a week. I read books, played outside with my dog, and used up all my cell-phone data (and had to buy more :0).

Yesterday, you may have seen that I updated a post saying my wifi was back. NOT TRUE. It went out again shortly after I posted! But today, the technician came by and fixed it ;) So….I’m back!

Now that my wi-fi is back, it is somewhat easier to get a move on with all the stuff I was nervous about in the last post.

1.) In terms of finding out who my roommates are- I am going to continue asking Resident Services if there are updates. Much to what I wrote in my last oh so funny post, Mr. Photography dude reminded me of exactly why I gotta find out who these roommates are. We need to coordinate who is bringing what so I don’t end up dragging a lot of stuff from Texas :0 But…it would be nice to stalk them and make sure they’re decent people ;)

2.) In terms of figuring out my class schedule- I have prepared an e-mail to my advisor to see which classes are only offered this quarter. If one of these science classes are offered next quarter, I will take it then and replace it with a fun elective this quarter so I’m not overwhelmed with 4 science classes.

3.) In terms of my syllabus- Mr friends have assured me that I am so good at teaching that this will be done in no time. This is true :)

4.) In terms of love- Sadly, this is the only thing technology can’t fix.

bridget jones gifYesterday, while I was bored without internet, I watched my favorite movie…Bridget Jones’s Diary <3 This scene reminded me of when “Prince Player” and “Heart” first found out about my blog lololol <3 Except Bridget actually ends up with one of her men in the end :( Meh.

Anyways, I mention this because…this blog will be CHANGING in the upcoming month! Yes reader, in honor of Senior year- I will be creating a new blog :) Hooray! I have a lot of things to figure out…but it will be happening soon <3

xoxo. S.

I’m not really ready for Senior Year….

It’s 2 o’clock in the morning over here in Texas. I can’t stop tossing and turning. Seeing that it is now Saturday, I can’t stop thinking about how I’m flying back to school a week from now. And I have nothing figured it out :0

I have no clue who my roommates are- This is a problem because you know, I need time to stalk them and make sure they aren’t terrible like a few of my past roommates :0

I haven’t figured my class schedule out- I mean I have signed up for all my classes, but all of them are SCIENCE. And my learning disability therapist has told me I should always take one class that isn’t science…but I just can’t seem to make it work this quarter :0

My syllabus for the class I’m TAing for is not ready- Enough said.

Love- Well…you know the dilemma 💔

Some-Nights-I-Wish-I-Could-Go-BackI first met “Heart” two years ago, at the club I am now the Vice President of. And he is now the President of the club that is a big partner of my club. Which means, we will be working together A LOT. And a lot of memories will come back as we host all these events together :(

I first met “Prince Player” three years ago. And a few weeks ago, he asked if we can hang out the day I get back. That happens to be the day we first hung out three years ago. Fate❤️ But he hasn’t talked to me since he suggested it…and I’m nervous he doesn’t want to anymore.

And I just want, things to be the way they used to be with both of them.

Help me back-to-school Fairy Godmother :(

xoxo. S.

National Girlfriend’s Day-Let’s Talk About Cholesterol 

It’s been another busy week of house hunting and planning for back to school stuff. I was planning on posting every day, but my temporary apartment’s wifi stopped working after I wrote the last daily prompt! It’s still down and I’ve been trying to keep up by using up all my cell phone data ;) So please excuse any typos in this post! :)

Anyways, did you know August 1st was National Girlfriend’s Day? This week, I have teamed up with Oscar Insurance to talk about how you can stay healthy with the help and support of your friends! :)

 Last year, I found out I had cholesterol during my annual blood work during spring break.

I panicked. How could it be?? I was only 20, how did I already have cholesterol?? I thought back to my eating habits from January-April.

And then I figured it out. That was the time that I was in love with “Heart” (also heartbroken by him), taking my hardest class yet (Chemistry), and getting over my family’s relocation to Colorado. When I was stressing over “Heart” after a long day, I would have a Ben and Jerry’s. When I was so busy studying for Chemistry, I would order a lot of delivery. And when I was missing my family- I would lay in bed and do nothing.

All of that eating and non-active ness really added up! My doctor told me to start a low carb/low fat diet and that she would re-evaluate my cholesterol. Meh. I was less than excited but it’s what had to be done.

4 months later, when I went back to get my cholesterol checked- I got a call from my doctor a few hours later and I could hear the happiness in her voice, “Outstanding news! Your cholesterol has dropped down by a lot! You no longer have cholesterol!!” I was soooo happy. The first people I told were my friends because they really helped me! And here is how:

1.) They taught me about this thing called almond butter- Behold. Instead of reaching for that Ben and Jerry’s at night, I would grab some apples and almond butter! This filled me up better and I actually emotionally felt better after I ate it! :)

2.) They would order panini’s and grilled chicken sandwiches at dinner- For dinner we always stop by at this place in the student center that sells burgers, chicken sandwhiches, chicken tenders, tarot tots, waffle fries- you name it. Everything there was fried and that’s what I was ordering everyday.   The only thing that wasn’t fried were their panini’s and grilled chicken sandwhiches. I started ordering those and again, I could feel my body feeling better. Of course, my friends would not turn down fries or the cookies they had at the payment counter so they still ate that. But still, sitting right next to those would be a cup of grapes, pineapple slices or some other fruit so I would opt for those :)

3.) I started going to the gym three times a week- My immediate friends didn’t always come with me because we all had different schedules, but I did make lots of other friends in my spinning class or while doing whatever work out I was doing.

4.) They would respond to my snapchats- This is a really simple thing, but it means a lot to me. One time I sent a snapchat with a photo of a cookie saying “I’m gonna do it :0”. And one of my friends snap chatted back saying “Don’t”. And I said “You don’t understand I miss “Heart” so much”. And she responded, “He’s a jerk. Go eat a carrot or something ;)” I put that cookie down immediately.

And that was that :) Check out the info pamphlet provided by Oscar Insurance to see how you can keep yourself and your friends healthy!

xoxo. S.

Why Yes I Do Believe In Fate (Daily Prompt!)

Once again, I have arrived fashionably late for the daily prompt party…but, I am here!

Daily Prompt Question: “Do you believe in fate or do you believe you can control your own destiny?”

Well, holy crap. I do believe fate exists because right before this prompt came out, I published a post called “Fate”, and immediately deleted it.

And of course, that prompt was all about how much I believe in fate when it comes to one aspect of my life- love.

Over a week ago, “Prince Player” and I had a great conversation and he mentioned how he wanted to see me the day I come back to school. I said okay…but at the same time, I was so tense because this is the day where I have to move into my new apartment. And unlike the past three years, my family won’t be coming down to help because of their recent move to Texas. So I started panicking about how I will move all of my stuff into my new place all by myself :0 On move in day, I always have the biggest anxiety attack of the year. And as much as I wanted to tell player to come the next day, I agreed to meet as soon as we get back because…well…he misses me and I miss him.

As days went by and he suddenly stopped talking to me, I read my journal from freshman year and realized something. The day he proposed to see me again, is the SAME EXACT DAY we hung out for the first time three years ago! OUR ANNIVERSARY. Holy. Moly. Now I definitely need to see him the day I get back!

“I can’t believe it. The day player wants to see me is the same day we hung out for the first time three years ago. The day we took our first walk of many walks. The day he first called me pretty. The day we first ate carrot cake-” I gush and fall onto my bed as I FaceTime with my friend Mr. Photography dude.

He says I’m nuts and that all of this is just…pure coincidence…just like all my other interactions with player.

It’s crazy. I always tell player that fate/God really, really, really wants us to have some kind of presence in each others lives because:

Sometimes, I bump into him the day after we fight.

Sometimes, he’ll text me right as I’m thinking of him.

Sometimes, I can sense him standing behind me.

how do you know thatSometimes, he can read my mind and spit out exactly what I’m thinking.

Sometimes, I have an instinct something is wrong with him.

These things never happen with “Heart”, I literally have to pray for him to show up again in my life. And he has literally popped out of no where behind me and scared the hell out of me :0 I can never, ever, sense his presence!

Fate never really worked between us :/ We had to work really hard for our relationship. But that’s okay too…I remember texting each other every single day without a pause the first six weeks we meet. We were so comfortable in taking control of our relationship that we didn’t even need to wait for fate! But even with this. It all started when he came down to my (then) home state of Colorado for his work. His family’s business exists in other states. But those six weeks, he ended up in Colorado…with me <3 Fate. Sigh, I miss that relationship :(

Ah. Fate and the power to control your destiny…do you believe in one or a little bit of both??

xoxo. S.

Love Stings

Daily Prompt: “Franz Kafka said, “we ought to read only books that bite and sting us.” What’s the last thing you read that bit and stung you?”

Well it wasn’t a book…but it was a quote.

601ac8a128225bc371b60ab5ccd04917_730As I was moping around to see if “Prince Player” would finally talk to me and walking as if this week could not get any worse, I saw “Heart” post this on his Facebook last night.


I saw this quote a few weeks ago, and I thought of HIM immediately. About that time I gave him a $25 donation for an event he was hosting and it was all the money I had.

How dare he?

I pray he did not post it with me in mind. Because, he never gave me a penny.

Even my friends liked it…do they think he posted this about me?

As I kept reading all the comments our friends wrote below his post, I kept getting stung even more.

Comment #1: “Oh hey getting deep huh?”

Comment #2: “Oh yea “Heart” has gone deep ;)”


Yep. That stings.

xoxo. S.

I Must Be Dreaming

“I love that house so much! I had a dream we were drinking a Bloody Mary by the pool” my mom said a few mornings ago about the house we saw while house hunting. “What did you dream about last night Shaz?”

Uh. Nothing I can say at the breakfast table that’s for sure.

“Prince Player”. I had. The most intimate dream I have ever had about him yet. At that point it had been almost a week since we last spoke and I think my mind was going nuts. Right as I was moping around over him not talking to me…. I got a message from him and HEART on Friday.

Oh heavens.

Player messaged me first. He said he was sorry he’s been unresponsive lately, his family just moved and he’s been helping them. This is what I love about player. WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON. I’ve been busy lately too because of the same exact reason!

Then it was “Heart”. “Hey baby!” he said. I said “Hi”. He said he misses me and asked me when I’m returning to Chicago.

I answered all his questions. But I didn’t pay too much attention. He hurt me a lot this past year, he used me, and I’m still wiping away tears from it.

I became so tense. I open a box of European cookies my mom bought be in celebration of completing my internship. I ask both “Prince Player” and “Heart” if they would still like me when I’m fat.

First player responded. “No judgements. I’m so out of shape”

Then it was ‘Heart’s’ turn. “Haha yes. Eat all you want no worries’

I sigh and smile.

How lucky I am, to have two people that once cared about me. And one that loved me.

I assure “Prince Player” that he isn’t out of shape and thank “Heart”.

Over the past few days I stop talking to “Heart”, but continue conversing with player. Player calls me beautiful and makes me laugh every few days.

I must be dreaming.

xoxo. S.

Life After the Internship: Home, family, love, and crazy dreams!

I can’t believe it. I’m done! My first ever internship has officially been done since Friday night.

Friday was…difficult. The first and last day of the session is always the toughest. As predicted, my co-workers and supervisor were so crabby and rude. But at last, the day was over and I tore off my badge. It was time to celebrate! I went out with some RA’s and TA’s from the other residence halls. We had a great time. After I got back I immediately started packing. Surprisingly, it only took 3 hours (that is a record for me!) When I was done, I couldn’t help but feel so empty.

I survived. After many of my co-workers quit the program, I stuck around and made it <3 I sacrificed time with my loved ones, my health, and so much more for this. I started to feel anxious. I messaged “Prince Player” as I’ve been doing before I go to sleep at night. He messaged me back and…well…we stayed up all night talking. Literally. When we said goodnight I think it was 6 am and I had to leave for my flight in an hour!

I’m not sure how that ended up happening…but I’m glad it did. As we were exchanging messages, I would cry into my pillow thinking of how I kind of wish I didn’t do this internship so I could have had more time with my family and time for myself. These past few weeks were so hard. And then, I realized I was being silly because…hello…that is what a job is!!! You have to learn how to balance family, self-care, lovers, and your work life :) I guess I was also crying because hell- an ADHD and anxiety stricken girl completed an internship at one of the best universities in the country and I was proud of myself <3 So I continued messaging player and wiping my tears away.

Needless to say, I slept the entire plane ride to Texas. When I finally landed, my mom was waiting for me at the airport. We hugged each other and she told me I looked exhausted. Oh I felt it. It’s been hard trying to be…normal again. Aside from spending time with my family, all I have been doing since I have hopped off the plane is sleeping and eating (the two things I found hard to do while at my internship). My temporary home in Texas is cute, but small. I’ve been going house hunting with my family every other day.

No matter how exhausted I am, I still try to send “Prince Player” a message before I go to bed. The day I landed, I decided not to on account of our conversation the night before, he must have had enough of me :0 BIG MISTAKE. I have wild dreams of me kissing him and then HIM pulling me back for another kiss.

As if that’s not enough. I have another dream that I am having an orgasm with some other dude!

“Was it Heart?” Mr. Photography dude asks laughing the next morning when I give him updates.

“Not even!!!!” I respond.

We google what it could possibly mean and we found a source that said it just means I am currently “Experiencing an exciting end” to something.

We laugh out loud. How could I not have known? The internship ;)

So these past few days, before I have to see “Prince Player” or really some other dude’s face in my dreams, I decide to continue to message player before I sleep. No responses.

So last night, as I waited to see if I would get a response from “Prince Player”, I hear my phone buzz and I get excited. When I check my phone, it is “Heart”.

You have got to be kidding me. I have worked all summer on trying to get over him just like he asked me too. It’s not worth it.

So I tell him “not tonight”. And fall asleep wondering if player will respond.

But he doesn’t.

“I should of just talked to ‘Heart’ last night” I say to Mr. Photography dude today morning sadly.

yupHe laughs to himself. “You’re silly. You just finished a 7 week long 18 hours a day/7 days a week internship and all you can worry about is two bastards. CHILL! And catch up on your sleep, you still look tired.”

He’s right. I need all the rest I can get.

xoxo. S.