A Better Place: My talk and other musings 

Well reader, I was right. Those chills and body aches I mentioned in the earlier post was me starting to get sick :((( I’m starting to feel better though!

But all this resting has given my time to write! And I can finally update you on my talk 🙂

Before I wrote My Dilemma which provided a foreshadow into my talk, I had this pain in my chest. Why was my mother so against me speaking?

“I need a hug” I sent “Prince Player”. I tell him I’m anxious.

“Is it about school?” he asks. Mmmm kind of. I just say yes. He doesn’t respond. It’s okay. He doesn’t like me being sad (my second time saying this 🙂 ) 

I have a dinner with one of my friends and I’m late because I’m going back and forth with my mom on the phone. I apologize to my friend and tell her the situation.

“Sorry boo that’s rough. Could you alter the story to make it more comfortable for your mom?”

That’s not a bad idea. I know I’m grown woman, and this topic is important, but I wouldn’t feel right getting up on stage without my cheerleader’s support.

That night. I go to the gym and exercise. I listen to songs like “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten. It helps the knot in my chest go away. My other friend messages me when I’m done, telling me to look on Facebook.

There are a bunch of “Me, too” statuses.

“Could this not be happening at a better time?? This is a sign YOU should speak!”

I’m puzzled. With the many I read. The sad, devastating, stories. I tell my mother. She feels the same way. But is still not comfortable with my talk.

Two nights before the show, I’ve absolutely had it. I can’t stand this distance between me and my mom. I sit down with her over the phone, read her my entire talk, and cross out the parts she wants me to. She actually has solid advice. My original sounded very uncomfortable to even me, and the edited one sounds more comfortable for me to read. When I’m done she says, “now I have something to tell you”.

I roll my eyes. What now?? I’ve done everything she asked me to!

“It happened to me too”.

“What?” I asked in disbelief.

She begins with “When I was 9 years old…”. I feel dead inside I can’t even write what happened.

And then she says, “When I was 17…”. I don’t believe it. This is even worse than the first one.

“Twice?” I asked her.

TWICE? HOW COULD ANYONE DO THIS TO HER?

“So I’m proud of you for talking about this” she says. I’m dumbfounded. I feel sick. Okay, finally, she has said she is proud of me, but, what? I am still in disbelief over the two events she shared with me. How would you feel, if a woman you love, has given you everything you have- tells you this?

I was devastated. I wake up the next morning- sad, upset, angry, hurt. I felt like I was being punished for the conversation I had with my mother 10 years ago when it happened to me. Now I felt what it’s like to hear about it happening to someone you love. All my life, it was about me. Now, it was about my mother too.

I get myself a nice breakfast. And I only have one bite. My appetite, was gone. Do you know how it feels, to spend money on food, only for you not to eat it? It’s an upsetting feeling.

But I feel sick.

Every. woman. in. my. family.

Unbelievable.

I drag myself through the day, and finally, it’s the day of the show. I breathe. I do what I do first in the morning, I log onto Facebook. Where my brother’s future fiancee has shared a “Me, too” story. I am stunned. Now, not only my family, but my future family. I tell my mother, “Her too, Ma”.

“All of us, Shaz” she says.

I stay silent.

“You are the voice we need. You got this. You will do so well. And if you cry during your talk, it is okay”.

I smile. Finally, the words I needed to hear.

I get myself pumped up.

I play Demi Lovato’s “Sorry Not Sorry”.

“Now payback is a bad bitch and baby I’m the baddest. You’re fucking with a savage” I sing into the mirror.

It’s true!

A few hours later, it’s showtime. I see my name in big letters. AV asking me if the lighting is fine, if the microphone is fine, if I need food/water- I hold my notes and say I’m fine.

My nemesis finds me. Oh lord, not now. “So, what will you be talking about?” she asks looking me up and down.

“I’ll be talking about sexual assault” I say.

“OH!” she exclaims.

Yea, now get out of my face. The show begins, and the host introduces me on stage. I hear lots of “woo’s!” Well that’s nice, I have a fan club 🙂

I thank everyone for coming and pose a content warning. Saying I’m usually a funny girl, but this a sensitive talk and can make some uncomfortable.

Everyone’s still in their seats, I have not lost anyone yet. Yes!

So I begin. Everyone looks so engaged. I do so well. Hitting every point as I practiced. Then during a sensitive part, I get anxious. I hold my palms together. It’s all I have for comfort! And it helps 🙂 I carry on. I look into the audience. I see my row of friends (yes there was a row that came out to see me!) crying. Oh my.

I talk about how it has inspired the extensive research I have been doing in grad school around this topic and how it is almost done.

And then I give my last words of my talk.

“I hope this world is a better place by the time my daughter is born. Thank you” I say.

The crowd erupts in applause.

“Okay…I think it is time for intermission now!” the host says.

Yes. Indeed.

Many people from the audience and my friends come up to hug me. I’m blessed.

I drink lots of coke and relax until the end of the show. When it ends, I am told…that the Dean wants to meet me!!! Ah!!! My friends come up and give me beautiful roses. And we go out for a Mojito and emapanadas 🙂

DMN2cRuWkAAXYAiWhat a great night.

I’m glad I spoke.

xoxo. S.

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I Have So Much Catching Up to Do

Ah, cliff hanger.

Sorry I did that to you reader. Right after I gave my talk (YES I GAVE IT AND IT WENT SO WELL! I GOT SELECTED TO HAVE LUNCH WITH THE DEAN!) midterms began 😦 And my goodness, 2nd year graduate school midterms- are no joke.

I had a group project where a team member got mad at me and held a grudge against me for a long time. Not professional when we have a real life client that we need to get work done for…

I had a big exam for the class I am retaking (very very hard class I have been working my tail off for).

I had another big exam.

I had a presentation for my other class.

That week of midterms, I got no sleep because of all the studying and preparing. And then the following week (last week), I couldn’t sleep or eat well because I was so anxious about the results. I worked harder than I ever did in my life.

Steven came up to visit and I could barely spend any time with him/have the mental health weekend I planned.

Finally when it was the day of finding out my results, I woke up ready. And scared.

“No matter what scores you get you’re still talented, tough, and smart!” Prince Player said when I told him.

I told him I’ll let him know if I did well, and if not, I’m going to hide for a few days.

I’m serious reader! Have you ever worked so hard for something after you failed the first time, and wanted the best results?

Well that’s how I felt. Player said I can let him know if I want to talk and that he’s rooting for me. Damn where was this in my first year of undergrad??

I go to class. And Professor says nothing about exams. She lectures for three hours straight, and as everyone packs up says- “Okay so I have everyone’s midterms graded…” HOLY. MOLY. Okay. Deep breaths I tell myself.

The TA’s call us one by one to get them.

Finally my name is called. The professor grabs mine from the TA and tells me to come over to her to speak to her privately.

What the…? DID I FAIL??

My heart beats so fast.

She touches my shoulder. “This is a massive improvement from last year” she says.

I don’t believe her. How massive? She gives me my exam. My eyes widen at the score. I have never. Done so well. On an exam I have retaken. I’ve always done the same (or worse).

“Good work” my Professor says.

I cry. Tears of joy.

“You see. Your ADHD doesn’t define you. You can do it!” my dad says over the phone. 15781249_967412576727912_3471168982053269425_n

That night, I finally got a goodnight’s rest and ate something 🙂

I am still very nervous for the final as I have to do just as well on that, but I believe in myself.

I’m a little sick now. My chronic pain is back and I don’t know if I am suddenly feeling chills, pain, and a sore throat because of that or if I’m getting a cold. I don’t know but I’m taking a little rest now because of it.

Thank you readers for being so patient 🙂 I am going to read through your blogs tonight and catch up.

And I am going to pop back on here later and write about how my talk went!!

xoxo. S.

My Dilemma

Hi readers,

I hope you had a nice weekend! I am struggling.

Once again, this year, I was one of the 6 individuals chosen to speak at my school’s annual show. I’m not the keynote like last year (but there isn’t any of those this year anyway!), but my talk is a lot more personal than the one I gave last year.

I am talking about sexual assault. My experience with it and the extensive research I have done about it.

My mother is not happy. We went back and forth about it for days. She said I shouldn’t share something so personal. That this was supposed to be a family secret.

I said, “I’m sorry mom, I can’t do that. It’s because we don’t talk about it that this keeps happening in our family and other faith communities”.

She said she doesn’t agree with me, but supports me.

I hurt. I am proud of myself. I know that while I was going through this in my life, if one woman or man talked about experiencing this, I wouldn’t have felt so ashamed and would have asked for help sooner.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to pull myself out of this event, I know I am one of the main speakers and I will get to have lunch with the school’s Dean if I give a good talk!!! That would be a huge honor for me. If not that, I will still inspire many. I can stop it from happening to others. Or I can help others who have experienced this.

I also know that I am 23. And that it is not my mother’s choice. I was chosen, this is a sign that I need to do this.

Right?

I could really use a hug from “Prince Player” now :((((((

And that shows how anxious and sad I am.

xoxo. S.

Thoughts From When I Went Home (Wild, Wild, Wild Thoughts)

I am sorry I cannot get that song out of my head!

So hi reader. I am here. I’m sure many of you have been looking for me! My family was too. Which is why I booked tickets to visit them in Houston this past weekend for my dad’s birthday. My brother too.

I was looking forward to it. These past few weeks have been difficult, and I knew being with them would bring some comfort- and it did!

When I landed, I had an appointment with the specialist my doctor recommended. I am feeling better every day, but something is not right.

He holds his chart. “Your levels are still very off. Continue on your B-12. And we will do blood work and re-check next time you come home.”

I look at my mom and roll my eyes when I get in the car. “This isn’t gonna end is it?” I ask her.

She holds the wheel, “It better! You have to have babies one day!”

I put my seatbelt on, “Not like I have to graduate or anything….”

She places her hand on my back “Oh you know you will graduate not matter what. You are tough. I was just thinking I just read this article about how babies born to a mother with Vitamin deficiencies and blood disorders had complications! The mother too!”

“Jesus” I say.

“YEA. That’s why you need to feel better” she says.

I sigh.

When we get home, my dad opens the door and my dog comes running out. Both of them hug me.

“Your lipstick looks like you painted it on” he says as he hugs me.

“Thanks Dad. I’ll tell Sephora you said that” I say. He laughs.

My bother comes out, “Hey Shaz!”

I give him a big hug. Now that I’m a consultant too (unpaid though) I understand him a lot better.

Inside my mom has made my favorite foods prepared for me. I eat and go do homework.

The next morning, I wake up early for a Facetime with my group. I had two group projects and presentations this week. Our client doesn’t show up and it is a disaster. We spend many hours working on our sections of the deliverable. It was okay because that was my family’s “rest day”. But when I have to take a call Sunday for my other group project, on Dad’s birthday, Dad isn’t happy.

“Who keeps calling you on Saturday and Sunday?” my dad asks.

“Um. Both my teams for my group projects” I say.

“On the weekend? In the morning?” he asks.

Dad asks like I enjoy taking 8am calls the morning. I hoped he would sleep in (we are both big sleepers!) so he wouldn’t catch me working on our “family fun day”.

“Yes dad. Grad school is a 7 day job. I don’t learn, I do work” I say.

“I hope these come in handy when you look for a job” he says.

He is very concerned about that (me too!). “It will” I say hugging his arm.

Later in the day we go to his favorite restaurant for a birthday. Mom and I get mojitos and my dad and brother get a whisky. We have a great time. The food is great, we get dad a birthday treat, and we laughed the entire time! I’m surprised my brother and I had no arguments.

Damn, I missed them so much. We open up our fortune cookies at the end. Mine said “You will get what your heart desires”. Yea right. (lol!)

We get an extra fortune cookie. “Hey guys- this is going to be our family fortune!” I say. I open it. It says “This is a good week to spend with your family”.

“There ya go!” my dad says. We all laugh.

When we get home I begin packing for my flight the next day. My dog is following me and watching me.

I get a message from “Prince Player”. We’ve caught up lately.

My mom walks in and sees me typing.

“Do you think you and “Prince Player” would be together if you were still in Chicago?” she asks.

“Um no…” I say.

She raises her eyebrows and walks away.

I look at my dog, “If he didn’t want to be with me then, why would he want to be with me now?” I ask her.

She wags her tail and sits in front of me as I fold clothes.

“You would like him. He’s kind and caring” I tell her scratching her ears.

She pokes me with her nose.

I stare at her. “What?” I ask her.

She pokes me with her nose again. Twice.

“Me?” I ask. She wags her tail and smiles. “Do I like him?” I ask. She wags her tail even harder.

This dog. Is a human I swear.

“Of course I do Peanut” I say.

She licks my face. Because we both know.

Sigh.

And then I leave home on Monday. I say byes to my mom, my brother, and Peanut (who doesn’t leave my side). I go into my Dad’s bedroom where he is sleeping.

“Hey Dad. I’ll see ya later okay” I whisper.

He wakes up and hugs me. “Bye Shaz. It was good you were here”.

My eyes well up. At that moment, the fact I flew down in the middle of midterms season and half of my weekend was spent working didn’t even matter to me.

“Dad. I’ll always be here” I say with a tear in my eye.

He smiles and I am on my way. In the plane I think about my future. Where should I work? Where do I want to live? Who do I want to spend my life with?

I’ve got no answers. So I thank God for the wonderful weekend I had, pray for my success on all my upcoming exams and projects, and watch Rumor Has It 😉

xoxo. S.

 

A Letter Back to Kaiya

Hello friends-

Today we are doing another For the Love of Sass first- I am responding to a letter a reader wrote me in response to the one I wrote her as part of my A Letter to You! series. I recently wrote to Kaiya at Adventures on Quiet Nights. And now she has written me a lovely letter back. You can find it right here To Shaz🙂

Dear Kaiya,

Thank you for your lovely letter! You are so unique with your letters, you write them in a journal and you draw pictures ❤ And it’s pictures of my favorite things! I particularly love the drawing of the latte 🙂 You know how much I love those! $5 out of my pocket every morning for that!

Yes, Kaiya, believe it or not- we still do have midterms in grad school. Times 10. You must be like “what??” Every other week, we have a major test/paper/presentation.This is why you haven’t heard from me lately Kaiya haha! And it’s only about to get busier because the exams/projects worth the highest portion of my grade is in two weeks. 

AH!!!! Because you talked about having a mild case of PTSD in college, I knew you would understand if I took a moment to scream haha 🙂

I’m serious Kaiya. I totally agree with you, graduating college was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done too! But then I met graduate school right. And this weekend, I flew up to Houston to see my dad for his birthday- I wasn’t able to spend as much time with him because both of my groups for the projects FACETIMED me in. And this was on Saturday and Sunday! Then last night, I got home from my flight very late and had to stay up to practice for my presentation that I had this morning 😦 I tell you. Grad school is a 7 day job. 

I am so touched by your kind words 🙂 I can always use motivation 😉 I am glad you guys know that when I am not here, it means I am kicking ass at grad school! And I will have one hell of a story to share when I’m back ❤

Oh and if no one has told you- I’m proud of you! I can understand how hard you worked to get to where you are now and how difficult getting through college was, you are not alone. AND YOU DID IT! And you will keep doing it 🙂 As I say….slay!

xoxo.

Shaz

A Letter to Myka

Today I am writing to our friend Myka at Myka Takes NV. If you are just joining us, please read A Letter to You! Myka was the last one to request a letter and I currently have no more letters to write. I want to write more!! So if you want one, you know what to do 🙂

Dear Myka,

First I must apologize. Out of all the readers I wrote to, I took the longest to write to you! 7 weeks :0 The ending of my first career, Hurricane Harvey, and grad school starting up again just happened in a row! But hey our friend Paul didn’t write me my letter for like months so I forgive myself. LOL!

Also right now, I have intense cramps and I am eating ice cream (I always eat food when I write these letters).

Anyways, let’s cut the crap and talk about the one thing both our blogs have in common…

BOYS. BOYS. BOYS!

I’m sorry Myka you did not give me a topic to work with so I had to choose this one!

I’m afraid dear Myka that I have no boy right now. For once in my life. As you may have read here, I’ve been going through a lot. But last time I read your blog, you do! HOORAY!!! I am so happy for you Myka. I really hope that’s going well 🙂

Now I don’t like to discuss my reader’s personal lives on my blog, so I will leave you alone now Myka. And we can go back to the topic of how I’m very single.

This is my choice. I am waiting. For someone who is right.

I have chosen the “wrong” one way too many times.

So here is what I am hoping for now.

1.) Someone who is honest. This is a given!

2.) Someone who is loyal. This is also a given!

3.) Someone who likes coffee as much as I do- Lattes and macchiattos are a big part of my diet.

4.) Someone who is brilliant. I am very smart. So it’s only fair! I hate when I start talking about my research, and dudes change the subject…

5.) Someone who likes dogs. I have a dog. So if they don’t like dogs, they won’t like my Peanut. Therefore, I won’t like them!

6.) Someone who likes kids. I am a former teacher. I love kids. I understand them. So if they don’t, we will have an issue!

What do you think of my list Myka?? Did I miss anything? I’d say, my demands are not that high.

Anyways, I’ve been following you for a bit Myka- and I love you. We are like blogging twins. We are very raw with our words and we talk about real life issues. That takes guts! When I read your blog, I know that I am not alone. And when you comment on my posts, I for sure know that I am not alone. So thank you for that 🙂 I hope you enjoyed this letter ❤

With love,

Shaz

 

Saturday Conversation With Steven

12345Me: *Sends this pic to Steven. I always send Steven jokes/things relatable to us. And he gives me a response as to how he feels about it*

Steven’s response: U?

Me: Me?

Steven: We

Me: Us!

Steven: Yes!

Despite some cramps, my mental health day is going nice so far 🙂

Happy Saturday!

xoxo. S.

Source of picture: http://www.upworthy.com/millennials-can-totally-relate-to-these-cartoon-characters-navigating-life-in-17-comics?c=ufb0&s=p

Dating After Emotional Abuse (Part 2)

“Look mama! I’m STRONG!” I proudly display my muscles on Facetime.

Her eyes widen. “Why do you keep lifting?” she asks.

“Because I feel so weak. And I want my stamina back” I say.

My mom looks at me sadly. “You know, your aunt went through a lot of heartache before she met your uncle. And look how happy she is now!” she says.

I half smile. Right. Dad’s sister. Everyone says I’m exactly like her. Sigh. I hope when it comes to that I get what she has.

I am overwhelmed by the responses I got for Dating After Emotional Abuse. This is the most liked and read post on my entire blog. I feel like, I just performed, and I got a standing ovation. Really.

In that post, I focused on what emotional abuse looks like. In this one I will explain how I’ve been feeling- 9 months post the event.

Well, I’m still hurt. Everyone I know is in a happy relationship. My friends from Chicago. My brother and his soon to be fiance. Even my on and off again parents, are so happy.

And here I am. Still scared. Still torn.

In my relationships before the abusive one, things would end because of things just weren’t working out with me and whoever I was with. It was sad, but I would tell myself I won. Every time I felt hurt by a guy, I would put myself into my books. Whether it was “C” and his lies. Whether it was waiting for “Prince Player” my freshman year of college. Whether it was “Heart” not asking me to the ball my senior year. Each time I caught myself thinking about them I would open up that Chemistry book, and study my heart out. And look where I am now. At my dream graduate school.

But abuse is different.

I still feel ashamed. That I stayed when I knew something wasn’t right.

I know, I know reader. I left before it got really bad. And for that I am proud. And I feel like I won in that sense.

But I’ve felt lost since then.

And I am still trying to find myself.

This is the longest time I have been single. And it is my favorite season. As much as it would be nice to have a Pumpkin Spice Latte with somebody, I don’t want to. Because, I am way too good at goodbyes.

xoxo. S.

My Not So Mental Health Days

“I thought today was supposed to be your Mental Health Day” by best friend Steven told me as I was caught working yesterday (Saturday).

dd8b3942908f4a6b6bc47e932a4542b5--exhausted-movie-tvIt was reader, it was supposed to be. But grad school. And not feeling well.  I had an early morning meeting with my client today and could not sleep at all last night because I felt nauseous and pain everywhere! And still do.

At least this week was actually WAY better than last week.

On Wednesday, for my Global Health Consulting class, I won an award! After each of our major deliverables (mind you we have one every week), we have to write a reflection. AND I WON “THE BEST REFLECTION” AWARD! The professor began to read my reflection aloud.

Oh god.

I felt myself turn 50 shades of red (this is in no reference to 50 shades of Grey). The moment they began reading my reflection (they didn’t announce who the winner was first! they just began reading it!) I knew it was mine :0 Anything that starts with, “Wait, what?” Yes. That’s my line right there.

I basically wrote about how for being the daughter and sister of consultants, I felt clueless about the class and anxious about our project. But after that deliverable, where we worked every single day including the weekend, we got the highest grade from our Professors out of any team and the best remarks from our client and I could not help but feel proud of the hard work and long hours each of us put into it.

My mom was so proud, she began reading my paper to my father! She said my dad was smiling the entire time 🙂

My Professor later sent me feedback saying he loves my writing style and that I have truly inspired everybody.

And after reading it out loud in class, he gave me a big box of candy as my prize!

I was seriously beaming throughout the week. I may not always be the smartest person in the room, but damn I can write!

Speaking of which, another part of the reason why I had a better week was so many of you wrote to me 🙂 Whether it was in my comments or my emails, you guys blew up my notifications! From my bed, to the bus, to waiting in line for coffee- I was reading each of your comments and you all seriously made my day.

So with that being said, I’d like to do some reader shoutouts!

Myka who said “And lastly, even in this rough time for you, you managed to end your write up with a comment about how hearing from US helps you. You’re a great girl”.

YES MYKA!! And yes readers!!! You guys help me so much.

And may I say, the compliments I get about my writing from my Professors like I did this week- where do they think I have been “practicing”? Right here! And I’m so grateful 🙂

Ana who checked in to see if I was “drinking enough water, eating enough, getting multivitamins in & sleeping enough”. Bless. You. Ana! I have an autoimmune disorder and those are the 4 most important things for me to have to not be sick. Thank you for checking in to make sure I was doing those. With everything going on, sometimes I don’t do all those things! And even my doctor will email me asking, “Hi your blood work is showing X. Are you sure you are taking you meds?” And it’s not good. So thank you Ana 🙂

Myka, Ana, and Kaiya who called that guy that hurt my feelings in the last post- “asshat” (Ana), “insenitive and stupid, “moron” (Kaiya), “that dude needs a lesson in common sense! Jesus!” (Myka)…THANK YOU. When someone hurts me, people tell me to ignore it or let it go. No friends. I have a right to be angry. And you ladies- were angry with me! And you have NO idea how much that meant to me. Bless you ladies.

So there you have it reader. I have yet to get a “Mental Health Day”, but I am gradually building emotional and physical stamina. Steven says “it’s okay” because when he visits Boston next month, “we will have a whole Mental Health Weekend!” How exciting!

Until then, I am slowly moving forward.

xoxo. S.

 

Am In Serious Need of a Mental Health Day

I’ve been back here at grad school for less than a week and a half now. It’s my last year, I should be happy. I’m not. I’m stressed, tired, and overworked. This is how I felt since school started up again last Tuesday. Within just a week of each class beginning, I’ve already had a major paper and presentation due.

Today was a bad day. First, someone said I have “micromanaging qualities”. Oh really? Really? Me? Sweet Shaz that works her butt off when other people don’t? Shaz award winning leader? Do people know what I’m going through? Returning to school with major anxiety after witnessing a natural disaster and injury in the family. And also battling an autoimmune disorder. And still working her ass off. Okay. Fine. I’ll take a break and let other people do the work.

Then, my favorite consulting company I applied for a networking opportunity with rejected me. Okay.

Then, the presentation for my consulting class was today and it went horribly. How can a professor expect us to prepare something in less than a week about a subject that is like another language to us?

Over the course of the week, people have  finally been asking about my family and Hurricane Harvey.

Every day, at least three people have stopped me.

“Omg Shaz! Was your family affected by Hurricane Harvey?” they say.

Um yea. a) You know I live in Houston. b) I posted on social media and you saw this two weeks ago but you didn’t seem to care then.

But I don’t say that.

I say, “Yes. It was sad. Thank you for your concern”.

I have tried to forget about it but it’s not easy when people all of a sudden care and are asking.

And today. A person talked about it in the rudest way. AND I SNAPPED.

Right after my presentation (that went horribly), a guy- a fellow grad student my good friend Susan introduced me to texted me.

I talk about my horrible first few days of school and how I miss my family. He asks where they are.

“Houston” I say.

“OMG” he texts back immediatly.

“What?” I ask.

“Was your family in the Hurricane Harvey area???”

I sigh for the 100th time.

“Yes” I say.

“As a public health specialist, did you do something to save your city?”

Cue the angry emoji. “Well. I cleaned up my dad’s blood after he was injured by debris so I guess somewhat I did” I respond.

“That’s sad!” he says. Yea no effing kidding…

“So are you going to Florida next?” he asks. Um…is he serious. Is he implying something about Hurricane Irma?

“No” I say.

“Well I guess you’re not meant to save the world then. Because you’re not saving them” he says.

EXCUSE ME????

“Then maybe saving the world isn’t at the top of your list” he continues.

What the fuck?? Enough is enough.

“Or maybe. I have PTSD after witnessing a major disaster where I live. And I don’t want to see another one” I say.

He says he didn’t understand that and thanks me for explaining.

Jesus.

Dude could have just said sorry.

I’m done.

I feel dead inside.

I snappchatted my friends saying “It’s only my second week back at school and I already need a mental health day”.

My best friend Steven responded “You know you can always take one”.

Sigh. I could. But tomorrow is Bioststistics, the class I’m retaking 😔 So I gotta wait until the weekend. Which has many socials and group projects. Ugh.

Hoping maybe on Saturday I can take that mental health day.

Hope all of you are well. Your posts and comments give me comfort through this stressful time ❤

With love,

Shaz