A Letter to Asha

Today I am writing to our friend Asha at The Musing Quill .

Dear Asha,

Hi love. How are you?? I hope you are happy that I am blogging more often than usual. Like Paul, you are one of my fellow bloggers that drop by very often to read my stuff.

It always surprises me that we are very good blogger friends because in your bio, you have stated that you hate make-up and hate pink. Guess what are the two things I love the most? Hahahahahaha.

But I think what bounded us together are that we both write the truth: the good, the bad, the dirty. You call it “the ugly” πŸ™‚ But I think we mean the same. It is nice to have a fellow female blogger on here that is so raw.

I am happy you still write poems. You may remember the poems I used to write. I don’t write them anymore because I wrote them in a period I was soooo sad and I’m not so sad anymore you know? I feel like when writing poems, you really have to mean what you say. Those are the best ones. Am I making any sense?

Anyways, you do that so well in your poems and I love reading them. I remember once, I think it was on my 4 year blogging anniversary this year, you told me that my blog is one of the first few you have been following since the creation of your blog! I am so honored.

You have been such a good friend. The first comment you wrote on my blog was “Reading your post reminded me of how rejections hurt. Even if it is so.much as a postpone in the plan. I feel.for you. I hope it goes all right and that he doesn’t cancel on you again.”

It is hard being a girl sometimes. I’m glad this guy “cancelled plans” on me that night and the other nights. He turned out to be emotionally abusive and I let him stay in my life a little longer than I should have.

In your poem “Fix” you wrote:

she hurriedly wiped
her kohl-stained eyes
the memories
of the finality
still burning in her mind

and that is exactly how I felt the night I left him.

So thank you Asha. Thank you for writing the words I can’t find in me to write.

With love,

Shaz

for everyone just tuning in please read A Letter to You!

A Letter to Steven

Oh my gosh I won’t make it through this letter without crying. Today, we are writing to my longest best friend- Steven! He is also my longest reader as he was one of the first few people I told.

If you are just joining us please read A Letter to You!

Dear Steven,

Hi. It’s Shaz. Your friend since high school. I know what you and my readers are probably thinking. Whatttt. Shaz hasn’t had any friends longer than high school? 0ca5978e6bb0ef12e43802b8cf151126--best-friends-funny-best-friend-quotesAnd well…yea. You and I both know that growing up, I moved around a lot. I lived in 3 countries, 5 states, and over 10 cities. And every time I tried to keep in touch with my friends, it just never worked out 😦 Except with you πŸ™‚ And most of my friends from college πŸ™‚

You’ve just always been there for me Steven. I remember we first met in AP Economics class. Ugh FML. I got a C in that class and obvs you did well because you’re working for Deloitte now πŸ™‚ Anyways, I was so afraid to talk to you cuz you were so smart and I was…well I was smart too but I did not do well in that class! But thankfully, we had mutual friends and we became friends that way. And how much fun that would be! You, Evan, and Ben and I would hit Panera and Einstein Brother’s during lunch. And those two would sit in the front of the car while we sat in the back during those lunch break trips and one time “Starships” by Nicki Minaj came on and I STILL REMEMBER you singing “we’re higher than a motherfucker” and I died because you are a nice boy and you don’t say bad words like that.

And then it was time to graduate and we were all going to each other’s graduation parties. We all went our separate ways. Ben went to Israel. You went to Minnesota. And Evan and I stayed in Chicago. Evan and I had continued to be friends, but, he always judged me. And I couldn’t stand it. Friends don’t do that to each other. Which is why I always liked you Steven. You always say I’m “one of the sweetest people” you know despite my numerous flaws. And one time, my freshman year of college, when I was feeling really really really down, I told you I wanted to be like Kim Kardashian. Because she is just so gorgeous and seems to have everything together. And you said, “Why Shaz? You are way prettier and way smarter than her” and I cried. I still remember the day I was in a bad mood, in like March of 2013 (the lowest point in my life) and you tweeted at me “OH NOES! Well, by the way, you are one sexy woman! #sexierthanKimK”

And then another time. This is probably my favorite thing you ever said. That year I started my blog, 2012-2013, people thought I was wierd but my blog was super popular and I said to you “Watch Steven. I’m gonna be a famous writer one day and you’re gonna say, that crazy woman was my best friend” and I thought you would just agree with it but you said…”IS SHAZ. IS. I would say that crazy woman IS my best friend”. And you made me cry again.

My biotch of a roommate that year told me I need more female friends. And I was like girl, Steven and I are good k? Don’t be jealous of my guy bff. I’ve got loads of female friends but my bff will always be Steven.

Seriously. I always say, if I had to be stuck in an elevator with someone, I’d choose you Steven. You would make me laugh and sing with me as we develop a strategy to get out.

One time my mother said we should get married. And it was really awkward because you know I love you as a friend lmao. And I don’t mean that in a friendzoning way! It is just what it is. If you were in love with me, you’d be so annoyed Steven lol. Anyways, speaking of moms.

I was sad to learn your mom had cancer. I wondered why bad things happen to good people. Your family was the nicest family I knew.

And I was sad when your mom passed away. I wanted nothing but to be in Illinois with you. I went to Hallmark to buy you a card and some other things. But I realized nothing I send can take your pain away. So I grabbed the card and walked to the post office to send it to you.

On my way back home I closed my eyes. I had texted you “I wish I was there”. And you said, “I know Shaz. But you’re not here”. And it made me sad.

I miss you and all my friends, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to come back to Chicago. Chicago is where a person physically and emotionally hurt me, something I would have to remember for life. Chicago is where my family got separated multiple times. Chicago is where I developed PTSD. Everything changed once I moved to Boston, for the better. Things are still hard here, but not as much as it was in Chicago.

The challenges I faced in Chicago is nothing compared to what you had to endure, but, for now, I won’t be coming back. And I love that you understand this and YOU are coming to visit me in Boston this fall. You are my first guy bestie to come visit me. I always thought it would be “Prince Player” but a) he was more than a friend and b) it never happened. So, as Beyonce said, “BABY IT’S YOU!!!” I can’t tell you how I excited I am for you to visit. I’m going to take you to see Harvard, we’re gonna hit up a museum, and I’m gonna take you to a really trashy movie because I know you much you hate those ;).

I end my letter by saying thank you Steven. Thanks for always supporting me. Thanks for always believing in me. Thanks for watching EVERY SINGLE one of my Snapchat stories (even when I post 40 of them). Thanks for continuing to read this blog which none of our friends read anymore. Thanks for just being you. Friends now and friends forever ❀

Love,

Shaz

P.S- I can never take you seriously anymore because of the Laura Clery videos. You know what I’m talking about, if my readers don’t- Youtube it πŸ™‚

A Letter to Paul

To Paul at The Captain’s Speech

Dear Paul,

Hi it’s your little blogger sister. I don’t even know where to begin!!!

Let’s begin with September 8th, 2013.

That’s the day I discovered your blog, and we all know the story so let’s do a little skip shall we? For those tuning in- you wrote a post about missing college, and that day I was beginning my second year of college and I absolutely HATED it. Your post was a wake up call for me.

Fast forward 4 years later, I am sitting at the top 10 graduate school for Public Health. And I LOVE school. And I realized that, 4 years ago when I was sobbing and reading your post, it wasn’t school that I didn’t like- it was my school. Does that make sense? As soon as I moved to Boston for graduate school, I LOVED my new school! I love everything about it: the location, the classes, the people. But still, that post and many of your other posts helped me get through a rough time in my life.

You see, when I first started my blog and got so much positive feedback, I was so proud of it I wanted to share it with the people I love. So I told my older brother about it. And you know what he said? He said, “I don’t want to read it. I’m glad it’s popular and doing so well, but I don’t want to read it”. I was so hurt. And today, I’m kind of glad he doesn’t read it because as we know I discuss real life issues here (the good, the bad, the dirty) and I’m not sure I would have wanted him to read all that. Still. That comment always hurt me.

Which is why that day you commented on my blog that you feel like a “proud big blog brother”, I was so happy. I couldn’t think of a better way to describe you or anyone else to give that title to. Sometimes, I can lose perception of what’s around me, and then you appear on my reader feed and you make me think! You are also one of my few readers that read every single post of mine! Every time I post something, I think to myself, “What is my big blog brother Paul going to say?”

Oh yea, I have added Chris to our family as well. It seems like you two are close and well, if you guys are brothers and I am your sister, that would make me his sister too. Does our family tree make sense? Okay fabulous!

Also I just want to say, I’m not speaking for myself when I say all of this. I am speaking on behalf of the blogging community. You have over 4,000 followers, and you respond to each of our comments!!! And exactly how many letters did you write when you came up with this idea? I think there were over 30 right? See. That requires dedication and we love that about you.

Lastly, I like how we sometimes listen to the same music. My Poker Face days are over, I love Lady Gaga’s new songs. Sometimes I will blast Perfect Illusion and shriek “IT WASN’T LOVEEEE IT WASN’T LOVEEEE IT WAS A PERFECT ILLUSION!”

I kid you not.

Just like your material, Lady Gaga’s stuff will always be relevant πŸ™‚

Don’t forget our blogs are starting Kindergarten next month! Do you believe this??

They grow up so fast.

Cheers,

Shaz

for everyone just tuning in please readΒ A Letter toΒ You!

Your Letters Are Coming!

I plagiarized that title from Paul.

Okay friends, now that I am feeling better and 1 of my deadlines for work is out of the way- I am starting to write your letters! If you are just tuning in, check out A Letter to You!

Here are the people I got so far and the order I will be writing letters in.

1.) Paul 48c0cdaf179412087582a0a67c80eadd--more-love-letters-handwritten-letters

2.) Steven

3.) Asha

4.) Chris

5.) Aaron

I look forward to writing you!!!

xoxo. S.

I Am Woman (Part 4)

So yesterday, I woke up with no cramps at all. I was excited to go out with my friends and catch the movie, “The Big Sick”. I am walking through my very crowded city that is full of Red Sox fans. When I get to the theater I see my friends looking frantic.

“What’s up guys?” I ask.

“IT’S SOLD OUT!” my friend Susan says.

“No way” I said.

“Look” she says pointing to the screen with all the movies. Holy moly. EVERY SINGLE MOVIE IS SOLD OUT.

Wow. I decided we would find something else to do. Some of my friends came from far away, so I couldn’t let them go home without doing anything!

We are sitting outside, with lots of Red Sox fans walking by and I’m reading reviews of local restaurants so we can choose one and go to it.

When all of sudden, a guy comes up to us. He doesn’t look like he’s from Boston, he looks like he needs directions.

“HI LADIES. SORRY TO INTERRUPT! But that’s my son over there, and he can’t stop looking at YOU!” he says pointing to me.

My eyes widen. And my friends look at me.

Of course Susan goes for it. “Isn’t she gorgeous?? She’s single!”

“Yes, she is beautiful!” the dad says. “Hey Jordan! Did you hear that? She’s single!” he says calling out to a shy boy who’s laughing.

I am mortified. But I stop searching restaurants. And take another look at Jordan. Jordan is fineeee.

“Hey Jordan!” I yell.

“Did you hear that? Hey Jordan!” the dad says with excitement. Jordan smiles.

Poor Jordan. He is taking it well but I can tell he’s mortified. He walks over to us and introduces himself.

We tell him where we’re going to school, and he says he just graduated from University of North Carolina and he’s going to physical therapy school soon. And that he and his family came up for the weekend to visit because they are originally from Boston.

“So why don’t you two exchange numbers?” his dad says.

Normally, I’d give a dude a fake number. But there’s something about Jordan. And thank goodness I keep my business card in my phone case where I can easily reach it.

“Here Jordan. Just take my card” his dad beams and so do my friends.

I hint to my friends we need to get going.

“It was nice meeting you ladies” his dad says. And then looking at me, “You are beautiful sweetheart. Take care” he says.

Uh huh yea okay bye. I gather my friends (who are howling obnoxiously at what just happened) and we walk to another street. I sit them down.

“OH MY GOD YOU GUYS WHAT WAS THAT?” I say.

“Didn’t we tell you you’re gorgeous?” our friend Bree says.

I roll my eyes. “Noooo guys. I have a date with Chris in a few days. And one with the med student next weekend. We don’t have time for Jordan!”

“Shhh Shahz. Live a little. This is the only age where you can get away with stuff like this” Susan says. I look at her and give her a sympathetic smile. Susan is 52. A very unique woman working on her third Master’s degree.

“Fine Susan. I’ll do it just for you. But only if Jordan texts!” I say.

“That’s my girl!” Susan says.

We all laugh and find a burger place after an hour (every place we went to was full of Red Sox fans!). We get burgers and cupcakes and we are talking about our jobs, guys, and school. When a random number texts me.

“Hey Shahz! It’s Jordan (from the street!)”

Oh my.

My eyes widen. All my friends look at me.

“I’m gonna wait a bit” I say.

“Good” Susan says. We all laugh.

When I get home I text Jordan back. Jordan says he’s leaving in the morning but would love to see me and if I would like to get a drink. I look at the clock. It’s 10:30. Okay….

30 minutes later Jordan and I are out like long lost friends and we are drinking mojitos (that he paid for). We compare similarities. He has to eat gluten free (like me), he majored in a science degree (like me), and he has a good personality (like me).

He says he got an A in anatomy (how dirty). I got a D in that class. I don’t believe him.

“Point to any muscle” he says.

I point to a part of my wrist.

“Easy. That’s the flexor carpi radialis muscle” he says.

My jaw drops.

I flex my muscle on my arm (that I have been lifting and working hard for).

“Okay what’s this?” I say pointing to it.

His jaw drops. “Damn girl! That’s a bicep!”

We both laugh.

It’s so late and the bar is closing so he walks me home.

“Can I kiss you?” he asks.

Jesus.

“Ummmm” I say.

“I won’t tell anyone” he says.

“You won’t tell anyone what?” I ask.

“That I kissed you” he says.

Wow Jordan, we have bigger problems! I am not this kind of woman.

But there was Jordan and me. Kissing. Great.

I feel terrible for judging “Prince Player” for doing stuff like this in college. There’s something fun about going out with someone without any promises or expectations of a serious relationship.

Especially when you have been feeling like a pregnant whale for 4 days.

Oy ve. I am woman.

xoxo. S.

I Am Woman (Part 3)

continued from yesterday’s post

I drank a bottle of Gatorade last night and hoped I felt better in the morning. I really wanted to make it today’s meeting about infectious diseases in refugees (one of my favorite populations!)

I wake up at 7:00. I feel so fatigued but I get up. Okay, the pain is not too bad. And I don’t feel nauseous. So far so good. As I get ready, I feel it in my back.

Ugh. I walk over to CVS and buy a heatwrap. The only way I can survive today is by wearing that.

When I get back, I am right on time to leave. I call an Uber. It says it will take 10 minutes to arrive. Then Uber pool, which is supposed to be cheap, is actually $10. Seriously. I should have hit cancel right then and there. I keep refreshing, and suddenly there is no wait time. But an arrival time. I get confused. And I realize…THAT SOMEONE ELSE TOOK MY RIDE! I hit cancel immediatly and quickly request another Uber.

I can’t believe it. Now I am 20 minutes late. And I got charged for the ride SOMEONE ELSE took. My new Uber driver gets me and everything is going well. Until we have to -girls-girs-pain-Favim.com-1579388pick up another passenger. Who lives in a gated area and the security guard won’t let us in but the driver is so stubborn in picking up this passenger. This passenger finally comes out. Good lord. People can afford to live in a gated area where everyone has to go through security first should NOT be taking an Uber pool.

Now I am 30 minutes late. I sigh. I finally reach the state department and everyone is there. The two epidimiologists have began speaking, I spot my friend and colleague Susan and I wave. She gives me a sympathetic smile.

In the middle of the seminar, I feel really sick.

I get a text from Susan. “You don’t look well. I’ll give you a ride home.” Thank god. My Boston friends, are a lot more sympathetic than my Chicago friends were.

When the seminar ends, the Epidimologists asks if we’ll be staying for lunch. A few people say yes. Susan says “I have to go” and winks at me. Aw.

When we are out of everyone’s sight, she puts her hand on my arm. “Jesus Shaz. YOU WENT WHITE AT THAT MEETING. I was so nervous!”

I laugh.

“Seriously you lost all color. Does this happen every time?” she asks.

I frown and smile at the same time. “Yea”.

She makes a sad face. We have a nice ride home. She tells me about her date with a new fella and how she showed him a picture of us and he pointed to me and said “she looks like a model”. And Susan said “I know. You should see what she looks like in person”.

Wow. That is so sweet considering today I looked and felt like a pregnant whale.

I tell Susan hopefully I will feel better in time for our team bonding this weekend.

When I get home, I work on stuff for my boss and I finish early around 1:00. Ahh finally, a rest. On Sunday, I’ll have to get a head start on my three upcoming deadlines…but I’ll worry about it then πŸ™‚

And your letters. Paul says I shouldn’t rush, but there’s so many ideas in my head I can’t wait!!

xoxo. S.

I Am Woman (Part 2)

Well. Last night before I went to sleep, mother nature showed up telling me I was not pregnant.

Great.

This morning I wake up to go to work. I crouch to the floor. Jesus. Christ. Mother of all pains. Thankfully work is with the other public health educators in the state today and most of them go to my school so we meet on campus. But my boss slams me with work.

In between I get a Snapchat from “Prince Player”. It has a Starbucks in it. Oh that’s right, I usually send him a picture of my Starbucks run. But in the morning I was so crampy and busy I didn’t have a chance to get one. I am tempted. I go get myself a latte (which I would regret later).

As I wait, my boss gives me another deliverable to work on. And on the day it is due, I already have 2 other major project due! Eep! And this new deliverable he is having me do is an article about tick bite virus prevention.

Great.

Being a female scientist is not a joke.

Alright but I manage. I’m tough. I’ll space my abstract and two articles due in increments over the next two weeks.

And then I get word the lead Epidemiologist at the state department wants to meet with me because she is impressed with my abstract idea. OH MY GOD. I quickly go home and change into a better dress and heels and call an Uber. It would take me forever if I go by train.

The Uber pool is $12. Great.

My cramps get intensely worse in the Uber as if I’m having labor pains and I start taking deep breaths.

“How do you know what that feels like?” Steven asks after I Snapchat him.

“BECAUSE. All the women in my family said giving birth felt like really bad menstrual pains!” I say.

And also because I am feeling like something keeps kicking me in my back, stomach, and everything else okay?

I keep breathing in and out.

f541976af9dcdccabe9207410fbbe117“Are you okay? the Uber driver asks.

I stop breathing and Snapchatting pictures of myself in crisis.

“Uh yes sorry. I just have cramps” I say.

Great.

She laughs “Oh I’m sorry. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t too hot from the heater.” Yea to make things worse it was 59 degrees in Boston today.

I smile and we drive over several potholes making us bounce and my cramps hurt like hell.

Great.

And then “Prince Player” sends me a Snapchat of a very delicious looking salmon and other things and it says “when ur gf turns you into a health nut” or something like that.

Great. I wish I had a boyfriend that turned me into a health nut. Or a boyfriend in general.

Finally I arrive and I am just in time. The epidemiologist is great complimenting my excellent work. I am so honored. As I’m sitting and talk with her, a HORRIBLE cramp comes over me. I smile my biggest smile and cross my legs. That made me cramp up even more. Shit. I uncross and breathe while talking. Why won’t the pain go away???

I keep breathing softly. And eventually the meeting ends. Thank goodness.

I go home.

And as soon as I take my dress and heels off, I collapse on my bed. I play some Maroon 5. My freshman year of college, when I had the worst of cramps like I had today, Adam Levine’s voice would calm me down.

When I get a text, I pause the song. Big mistake. The cramp comes back. I breathe, and quickly put the song on- but it’s too late!

I run to the bathroom and begin puking. With Adam Levine singing in the background.

I cross my heart and I hope to die, that I’ll only stay with you one more night.

Yea. You better leave Aunt Flo.

I collapse on the floor.

Great.

My whole Starbucks latte that I had this morningΒ  is out of my system. Note to self. Don’t drink lattes when having a period.

Adam Levine keeps playing in the background. I need to stop it. It gives me freshman year college memories. Of my love life and cramps. Ugh. I turn him off. Although I love him.

I put on other songs by him and go to sleep.

Wondering how I’m going to make it to my big meeting at the State department tomorrow.

Sigh. I am woman. And it still has not gotten easier.

P.S- When I feel better, your letters are coming! I have gotten 5 requests so far, remember to comment below if you want one! πŸ™‚

xoxo. S.

A Letter to You!

Dear Reader,

As I was working and traveling, I wondered what else I could write about. It seems my beauty posts are doing well and I have ordered some more makeup products so be on the lookout for those!

But still. I can’t just write about beauty. Remember, here at For the Love of Sass we talk about real life issues. The good, the bad, the funny, the sad.

So yesterday, in my “reader” section, our good friend Paul’s post from The Captain’s Speech came up. It was a letter. He has been writing his readers letters since last year (that was a compliment but it sounded like a diss :0!) He has been writing letters all this time because he is very popular and so many of his readers requested one from him. Paul says I’m more popular in real life πŸ™‚

Anyways. That gave me an idea.

I’m going to write my readers a letter! Are you interested? Comment below πŸ™‚

This also applies to my friends who are not on WordPress and like to stalk me/”catch up on my life” here. I am looking at you Steven. Text me, Snapchat me, comment here if you would like one. I’ll write you your letter, post it here, and send you a link when it is ready πŸ™‚

simpFor all my friends in real life or WordPress (my WordPress friends are real life friends too), let me know if there is a special topic you want me to address in your letter. If not, your letter will be about something I choose to talk about. Which will be annoying because you already get enough here! But, if you like it, I guess that’s good πŸ™‚ As my friend Susan said when I told her we will see each other twice this week because of meetings that she will be getting “Double Shaz” time this week, she said, “I could go for triple!”

Also, you don’t have to be a regular follower of mine for me to write to you! You could have just discovered my blog today, or you could be a long lost friend of mine that I haven’t spoken to in a long time- I will write you a letter if you want one!

I look forward to hearing from everyone ❀

xoxo. S.

Since I Left

It’s been one year and one week since I left Chicago.

Maybe that’s why Prince Player and I have been talking. When we spoke a week ago, I thought, it was just him checking up on me. But for once, he’s been responding to my funny snapchats and my musings about my coffee addiction. It’s like old times. Like really really old times. Like when we first met old times.

“Did you finish the ticks report?” Jesus. I nearly drop my phone.

It’s Tony. My colleague in the health department. I am using my snack break to chat with player.

“No not yet” I say smiling at my phone.

“Who are you messaging?” he asks.

“The one that got away” I say dramatically.

I tell him a little bit about me and player and how we had to say goodbye when I left for Boston a year ago.

“So aren’t you technically the one that got away?” he asks.

My eyes widen. “NOOOOO. No. No. No. Well yes. But. I’m still here. He’s taken!”

“Ah. Must be rough” Tony says.

I sigh. “He’s happy. Happier than I could have ever made him. And that is all that matters” I say.

“Are you happy?” Tony asks.

Am I? “Yes! Of course I’m happy. I go to a good school and am working my dream job. I have a family who adores me and a roof over my head. I am happy” I say.

“Okay” Tony says shrugging. “We better get going. We have a 3:00 with the couple.”

I nod. In my new job, for one of my projects I’ve been working with teens and college students dealing with anxiety, ADHD, and depression. One client has brought in her boyfriend. She’s upset that he is choosing to move on from her during this time and seeing other people.

“Do you think it’s easy for me? You’re always sad! I don’t like seeing you like this. I ask you how you feel and you just sit there” the boyfriend says.

“Because I have anxiety! Do you know what it’s like? And then you go and do this and it’s not helping one bit!” the girlfriend says.

“But I always check up on you. I may not want to be in a relationship with you right now, but I’m always here. No matter if we’re together or not” he says.

I sigh. This all sounds familiar.

When I apologized to player a few months ago for the role my anxiety and my ADHD played in our relationship, I didn’t mean it. But, since I left Chicago, I have matured a great deal. And I can see things that were invisible before. Such as, although player’s choices were not something I agreed with, it is understandable he felt the way he felt. We ignore the partners of mental health victims a lot.

I close my eyes. Yes, player made me sad sometimes. *Ahem* cue How my last year college turned out to be like my first year of college (Pretty, Part 2). But I know he didn’t mean it. Or at least didn’t mean it in the way I thought he meant it. and most importantly.  with the exception of our freshman year, he always checked up on me after a fight. Always. He could have walked away like all the other guys did. But he didn’t. He always checked up on me. He always believed that I could mature and be tough one day.

Oh my god. I owe player a real apology. I take my phone back out when the couple leaves.

I tell player I have something to say. He responds immediately asking what’s up.

I explain a little bit about my project at work. And how it made me realize how much he was there for me over the past few years even though it probably wasn’t easy for him considering the way I was acting. And that I have matured a great deal since I have left, and that I’m sorry if I let my oversensitivity kick in and made him feel like the bad guy.  I just liked him in my life and I didn’t want to lose him. And that it means the  world to me that we were able to overcome our past and we can still check up on each other. Finally, I thank him for never giving up on me. Thanks to him and my friends who were there for whichever occasion I had a meltdown, I am alive and more successful than I have ever been.

I sigh and press send. He opens it immediately. It’s okay if he doesn’t respond I say to myself. It must be a lot to take in.

But he does respond! And ever so kindly.

He thanks me and says that’s really nice. That it takes a lot of maturity to admit something like that. And that I shouldn’t put it on myself, because we both played a role. He admits that he didn’t handle things maturely and that he just cares a lot about our friendship and he has a bad was of showing that sometimes. Finally, he says thank you for caring about him.

I smile. This is what I always liked about me and player. We just get each other.

We continue talking and on Saturday, he sends me a picture of my old apartment! He says he hasn’t been there in a long time.

Yea no kidding. Since I left.

I asked if it’s giving him memories.

He said yes.

:/

We continue chatting through the weekend and today. Today, I went to Chipotle for dinner and snapped a pic. He sent me a pic of his dinner that he made himself. IT LOOKED GOOD.

“I’ve acquired some skills since you left :)” he says.

I laugh. “It seems like you acquired everything after I left lol” I say.

“Haha that’s true” he says.

Wow. “It’s like I just stepped outside, when everything was going right.”

I sigh. I have cried twice in a Chipotle over a guy. He’s not gonna be number three.

“You only lost one thing when I left” I say.

And he doesn’t respond.

Sigh.

“You may be one thing, but you are a BIG thing” Sidekick reminds me.

Sigh.

Welp. Prince Player and I will just have to be like Dean and Rory.

No, Dean was not a smart boy. Player is really smart.

Player and I will have to be like Jess and Rory.

No, Jess was a really bad boy. Player is not..well never mind he isn’t Jess.

Player and I will have to be like Logan and Rory.

No, Logan was annoying. Player is not.

Why am I even making Gilmore Girls references?

It is very obvious that, we are always gonna be like Alicia Florrick and Will Gardner. Two workaholics. Two very smart, passionate, funny, wine loving people.

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I also have a mother that’s as quirky as Alicia’s mom πŸ™‚

xoxo. S.

 

Eid Make Up and Festivities

Eid Mubarak my friends πŸ™‚

IMG_7047Although I feel more spiritual than religious, and I come from a very liberal Muslim family, I love the month of Ramadan. Fasting hasn’t always been easy, but I am at a nice sense of peace.

Where I live now there isn’t a huge Muslim population. And my family is all the way in Texas. Sooo I couldn’t celebrate the way I usually do, but I did do the two big parts of Eid festivities: dressing up in a new outfit and eating! What do you guys think of my makeup? It looks like many of you enjoyed my last post! As promised, I will write a post containing all my makeup products soon.

I also gave money. Today, while I was going to get coffee, a woman was sitting outside my building and she asked if I can give her a $1. Well, it was only a $1 so I happily reached in my purse. Then she said, “Before you take that out, can you give me $10? I have kids to feed”. Oh. $1 went to $10. Well. It is Eid. What kind of Muslim would I be if I did not believe someone in need. I only had $5 cash. So I gave that. She frowned and said thanks. Well, I did my best…

Anyways, in my family, it is tradition to go to the movies after all the festivities! So I got together some of my good friends and went to see “Rough Night”. It was hilarious!

I hope those of you who celebrate had a great day πŸ™‚

xoxo. S.