It’s been almost two weeks since school ended and I already miss everyone, especially “Prince Player” and “Heart”. Last school year was the year of betrayal, but this year…was the year of changes. A new house, new job, new man, new health problems, and new field of study. Here’s my recap!
September: The first day of school, I found out that my family’s move was official…and so was the hook up between “Prince Player” and my friend. After I cried on the bathroom floor for 6 hours, I decided it was time to get over it. I had my first official day of work the next day and I was so proud of myself. I had conquered so many battles over the past year and didn’t need this to ruin my happiness. I told myself that I don’t need him or her.
Both of my new jobs began and I loved working.
October: My family moved and I felt lonelier than ever, I went to visit my new house in Colorado and absolutely hated it.
I kept seeing “Prince Player” and her around. I knew they had a big fall out and didn’t speak to each other anymore, but it still hurt. I hated seeing him and knowing that what we had meant nothing to him. And I hated seeing her and knowing that our friendship meant nothing to her. Really, it just killed me that both of them betrayed me the way they did. I could NEVER hook-up with one of my friends crush. And I could NEVER give a guy mixed signals and leave him for our mutual friend. I hated both of them so much at this time.
Later, “Prince Player” and I started chatting again and discovered we have a very big thing in common. We got together one night to talk about this and to sort out the drama between us. It really didn’t go so well…
November: I was dancing at a school event when I noticed the cutest boy ever. I went up to him and introduced myself, we exchanged numbers immediately. This was the guy that would become “Heart” <3 After I got home, we talked all night. And every single day after that. He got me thinking about so many things and he was so easy to talk to.
The day after, “Prince Player” and I decided to hang out- to try and see if we can finally sort out this drama between us as I still had feelings for him. Again, it didn’t work. And he admitted he was seeing someone else. The next day, “Heart” asked me out- and I said no because I was too hurt by “Prince Player” to start something new. To this day, I still regret that decision.
December: I was surprised to find out that “Heart” has family in Denver and was coming to my new hometown for winter break! We talked every single day during our month and a half long break. I even went to visit him and introduced him to my mom.
January-February: We all came back to school and I fell in love with “Heart”. We couldn’t get enough of each other <3 In a way I was thankful that “Prince Player” did what he did, otherwise I would have never met “Heart”. “Heart” took care of me well and made me a better person.
Mid-February- “Heart” broke up with me for the first time. I agreed with the decision, we loved each other too much and it was getting difficult to be together.
March: I discovered the lump and although it was first diagnosed as “stress”, I later visited another doctor found out that indeed something wasn’t right :( So there I was heartbroken, lonely, and depressed. I was dragging myself to the doctor without my mommy and a giant course load full of science courses that were hard to pass. One day, I finally got up the courage to text “Heart”- I told him that not a single day has gotten easier. He offered to come see me, and I let him. I will never forget that day. He held me in his arms as I told him about all my problems. He was so supportive and everything felt right again.
Mid-March-May: A series of fallouts began to happen with “Heart”. He was becoming more stressed and less serious about our relationship. The way he spoke to me didn’t feel right anymore. The passion between us didn’t feel right anymore. I could feel our romance dying. I started feeling like an outsider in his eyes. And for some reason, this made me miss “Prince Player”.
Mid-May: By this time, I was over the move and got used to be being by myself. But I hated not being in love. “Prince Player” and I began to talk again. I slowly began to realize why I had liked him before. I could see him changing and becoming a better man, so I wholeheartedly forgave him.
I gave up my second job. It was weighing me down and with another health issue on my mind, I realized I need to take care of myself before it’s too late. I found out about the person that will be taking my place, a good friend of mine, I was very happy for him- but he would never stop talking about it and I became jealous :( But again. I told myself that I do so much for others and as “Prince Player” and many others once told me, I need space.
June: “Heart” came back. After he said he would never want to come back, he did. As usual he apologized for everything he did before and reminded me that I come from a different world and our relationship can’t go far. Yet, I could see his love for me in his eyes…and I felt the same love for him.
“Prince Player” and I caught up again and I finally gave him my side of the story about his little “scandal” with our friend. I told him everything I knew about it and how much it hurt. He gave me his side as well. Instead of feeling relieved, I was sad. He provided all of this new information… Remember when I wrote in a post “There are so many questions I want to ask him, but don’t want to know the answers to?” Yea, he gave me those answers that day. They say the truth hurts, and everything that “Prince Player” said and did STUNG. But, he apologized a billion times. And I could see he regretted it. And so, after everything was said and done, I felt something with him that night. We finally got back whatever it was that we had last year. I looked into his eyes, and I was happy.
Now: I am proud of myself for making it through this year, and my amazing grades this past quarter. Colorado is nice, but my dad’s having trouble with his work and I fear we will move again. I am happy I was able to see “Prince Player” one last time before Summer and clear the air with him. This year was a much better year for us than last year, we have jumped over so many common obstacles. And the other man? Well yes…I dream of “Heart” and write 1,000s of poems about him, but he can be so cruel at times. Why can’t he love me the way he used to love me?
Only time will tell what’s going to happen next with everything.
So all in all, this is what I learned this past year: